Category: depression

Sleepy Friday 16052025

I had wanted to get up early and get my blood work done before therapy but I never got up. I slept pretty good, only waking up once to pee and then I went back to sleep. I got up around 1130 or so. I had a cup of coffee and play time with the puppy, who shit in the kitchen and guess who stepped in it?? Yup, me. Potty training is tough.

I only got about a half hour with my therapist today. There doesn’t seem to be consistency in our time. One day can be 40 mins others can be a half hour. We didn’t talk about anything but school. She is going to try and get me into an IOP after the one my psychiatrist recommended didn’t take my insurance. I think I am headed toward the hospital or an overdose. I am getting so fed up with my care. I am feeling really hopeless. My DMH worker called so that was good. I have a meeting with her on Monday. She wanted to check in with me before the weekend.

I managed to shower because I stunk. I was sweating as it is humid today. I hate it. I was in my kitchen having supper and I was sweating with my shirt off. I like being shirtless around the house. I tried working on my paper in the kitchen in the afternoon and all I got done was a paragraph. All the ideas I had for the paper seemed to blank out of my head. I fucking hate that. I had a cup of coffee with supper. I had salad for supper but for some reason, the lettuce froze in my fridge and it was gross. I threw half of it away. It was like eating ice.

I have been playing my game most of the day. Just a distraction. I was resting when my DMH worker called. I might have napped if she didn’t. My allergies are so bad today. I used Flonase and my allegra. I just took a second dose. I can feel the shit dripping down my throat. I hate it. Sox are playing with their new jerseys. They are green Monster green and I am conflicted about liking them. They look like A’s uniforms, though the color is Monster green. I don’t know. Maybe I will grow to like them. Right now they are losing. They haven’t had a good season.

Pieces of my heart

Therapy today was a disappointment. She switched to remote this morning so I didn’t leave the house again. It was a nice day but I really didn’t go outside. She didn’t ask how the suicidality was and I didn’t tell. The session was short but I didn’t care.

I never got started on my paper or did my quiz. I just couldn’t get going today for the life of me. I slept ok but couldn’t get up. I got her message about being remote and then went back to bed only to wake up a few minutes before session. I didn’t have coffee until afterwards.

I need to get my blood work done. Maybe I will go next week. I don’t have any plans for Tues so I might go then. I have nothing planned for next week other than seeing my DMH worker and therapy. I see my psychiatrist tomorrow but I don’t think anything is going to happen about it.

One of the suicidologists I follow wrote this.

My psychiatrist got back to me late last night but I went to bed and wasn’t going to open the message. I woke up at 130 to pee and was up for a bit. I don’t know if I read the message then or not. But he said we’ll sort it out at the next appt. And I was like that is in fucking July!! So I called today to move up the appt. I see him Thurs. Asshole.

I haven’t done anything all day. I tried working on my paper and nothing was coming to me. I finished the book last night. I didn’t like the ending. Sums up my suicidality.

I never got my blood work done. I woke up at 11 or 12 and it was too late for me to get moving. I went back to sleep. I’ve been spending a lot of time in bed lately. That’s not like me. I don’t care. I was up till 5am or so. I was exhausted.