Category: depression

All I want to be is done

I had wicked insomnia last night. I didn’t go to sleep till after 330am. I was going to get up when my med alarm went off but I went back to sleep and that was the end of that. I woke up too late to go to class, where apparently she assigned groups and another activity. I don’t care. I am so done with this class. I am just going to start the extra credit paper tonight and then finish tomorrow. I just completed all the homework and uploaded them. I got what I could out of the slides for the “neural” shit. I was planning on taking the quiz tonight but I am too tired.

I went out because I had to get out of the house. I went to Starbucks and had something to eat with my latte. Then I went to get my meds. Thankfully there wasn’t a line. I got my meds and then went to the bus stop. It was getting colder and I had to wait for the bus. My hands were cold by the time the bus came.

I came home and did my school work. I ordered dinner as I didn’t feel like having leftovers. The therapy place called using my deadname and I argued with them. They said they were using it for insurance reasons and I corrected them saying my insurance isn’t in that name. They said they had to check. She said she was going to change it so we’ll see. I see my therapist tomorrow. I set two alarms so I hope I get up.

What if time doesn’t do what it is supposed to do

I woke up around noon and had a cup of coffee. I had woken up earlier and taken my meds and then went back to sleep. After my cup of coffee, I went to work on school stuff. There was so much and I tried finding where the professor might have left feedback on blackboard but couldn’t find it so I emailed her. I got an out of office reply and my anxiety went berserk. I spent the day feeling nervous. It was out of my hands and I would have to wait till tomorrow. A couple of hours later, I got a response. She said my paper was good and then listed like 10 things I should write about. I went through like half the list and then I stopped reading. I don’t know when I am going to get to this paper but I will and I hope I can write when I have the time. I spent the rest of the afternoon and part of the evening working on homework and taking notes on the lectures. I finished the webinar I started last night. I hope I wrote enough information about it.

I had some lunch and it was the only thing I had to eat all day. I had leftover lo mein. It doesn’t bother me. I’ve had before from the same place. But my throat has been feeling funny the past few hours. I don’t know why. I was working on the last homework piece, which is mental illness. We haven’t gone over it in class yet so I might wait until tomorrow to do it. I got brain pain. I wasn’t sure if it was going to turn into a migraine or headache. It turned into a migraine.

I got some surprises in today’s mail. My DMH worker sent me a holiday and birthday card. I thought that was sweet of her. It made my day. I got such a headache right now. I took my meds, night meds and migraine meds. I will be going to bed early tonight. I was going to shower but I don’t feel like it. I will do it tomorrow before I leave for class. Just two classes left in the semester this week. I just hope I can pass with a B.

Saturday Blog 07122024

I got up late. I thought about going to Starbucks but it was wicked cold out. I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house. I had some coffee and then I went to my room to work on my school stuff. I figure I do an hour or two and then eat something. My laptop wouldn’t start. I had to restart it. I have been having to do this a lot lately. I think it is time to get a new one but I am still holding on to this one because once I log in, it works fine. I don’t have any problems. It’s just the logging in part that is the problem. Once it rebooted, I logged in and waited some more for it to load everything. I then loaded what I needed to and wrote away.

Around 2, I got hungry and went downstairs for something to eat. I kept the laptop on because I didn’t want to lose where I was. I heated up the Manwich I made the other day. As I went back to my room, my niece texted me that she was here. I then went downstairs. My sister was cooking. I wasn’t too hungry so just had a little of what she made. Then I went back up to my room. I finished one slide. I had no idea what I was to remember about epigenetics. I will have to go over that in the review this week.

I am somewhat free but I have so much to do. I still need to the aging and brain thing. And I need to work on the paper and handouts. Everything is due this week. Ugh. I hope I can do this. My niece posted a video of my mother and just seeing it, seeing my mother’s face, brought up feelings of hatred. It wasn’t good feelings. I don’t know if I can sort them out with the new therapist or not. It is a lot. I don’t know if I loved her. I know I cared for her. Things to sort out.

I am going to read that Alzheimer’s article for my class. Maybe I will learn to spell the disease correctly without having to look it up every single time. Then I am going to watch it’s a wonderful life. My favorite movie. I am having my groceries delivered tomorrow so I am not sure how much school work I will get done. I want to get the handout done and the paper for the article. I got a quiz Wed. Then it is exam time. Somewhere in there I have to finish my final paper and watch a video for extra credit.