Category: depression

Showered finally

I didn’t sleep well last night. I was up for most of it and really didn’t get to sleep until after 5am. I had something to eat after using the bathroom. I then slept most of the day. I didn’t go to the ED. I didn’t feel like it. And my pcp’s office said it didn’t look like an infection so I didn’t have to go. I still have the flank pain but now it’s on both sides. I asked my pcp to order chemistries to check kidney function. I am waiting on an answer. I have been paranoid since my AKI in 2022.

I had two cups of coffee. My second cup, I put protein powder in it and it was delish. I have to make the bacon soon or it will go bad. I just don’t feel like cooking. After I finished my coffee, I took a shower. I trimmed my mustache. I thought about trimming my beard but I didn’t have the energy for it. My back cramped up big time after I washed up and rinsed off. I had to sit for a few. Drying took a lot of energy. I then brushed my teeth. Now I am just resting in my room.

Someone from UMB Financial aid office finally responded to my email. I had to submit a signature document. I couldn’t remember what I submitted so I just sent a couple more. I also got an email from Mass Rehab from a vocational counselor. I hope to meet with her sometime next week. I hope it will be via zoom because I am not sure how to get to her office. It is a few towns away from me.

Despite sleeping late, I still feel tired. I have only been up for three hours. I hate this shit. I feel like the depression is making me sleep more but I really am just laying down mostly. It take a really long time for me to fall asleep. I often hear my AC and sometimes it sounds like a plane is flying over but it’s just the AC and the way my ear hears it. Drives me crazy and keeps me up. The Sox have the final weekend before the All Star break. They will be off most of the week starting Monday. I hate the break. Sox don’t play again till Friday, a week from today.

Sweaty day

It is still hot out. House is like a million degrees. I keep sweating so much just having coffee or something to eat. I only had enough half and half for one cup of coffee. My cousin took me grocery shopping and I bought some deli meats. I tried the prosciutto. Don’t care for it. I had some roast beef that was good. I need to make the bacon before it goes bad but it is too hot to make it.

I made an afternoon ice coffee. I met with the interim social worker until I have a long term therapist. It went ok. He is going to send me some plan and skills to help with my ADLs. I was able to shave my head but still haven’t showered yet. My side is hurting me for some reason. It has all week. I have no urinary symptoms. Those have cleared up. But I have noticed my pee is pale yellow all the time. Don’t know if that is good or not. I am trying to keep hydrated in this heat. Yesterday all I did was sleep most of the day. I woke up not knowing what the hell day it was.

I feel tired. I slept ok last night only getting up this morning to pee. I had some weird dreams that caused headaches. Thankfully I didn’t need to take anything for them. The coffee did nothing for my energy levels. I am practically falling asleep as I am typing this. I guess that is all I have for today.

Today was really hot. I went to my pcp’s office and dropped off my books. Most of the staff got a copy and I signed each one. By the time I got home, I was soaked. I drank some water and some powerade. I feel like shit and I have flank pain. I haven’t eaten. I am not really hungry. Just really tired. I have a burger if I get hungry later.

I feel really bad mentally. I feel like I would be better off dead. I feel so useless. I got a shitload of financial worries. I made some appts with the social worker so maybe that will be good. I met him today. He seems really nice. He knew me when I was in a rough spot. I didn’t know his name but he knew who I was.

I’m still having chest pain. NP said I could use diclofenac gel for it. I just feel so rotten mentally and physically. It’s exhausting.