Category: depression

Listening to 3 doors down

The construction workers were listening to Kryptonite on their radio so I decided to listen to their greatest hits album. One side of my house had to be gutted because it was full of rotten wood. It was so noisy. I made my casserole and a roast chicken. I had the roast chicken for lunch. I plan on having the casserole for supper. It took me three hours to make. I am tired. I left a couple of pans and I need to clean the stove as the chicken pot spilled over. I am waiting for the stove to cool down before I clean it. It is hot right now.

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I went to bed around 8 and then around 11 I was up for a couple of hours. I was too tired to read so I just tossed and turned. I got hot so took my tshirt off. I didn’t sweat so much so I might have to sleep topless so I don’t sweat. I wanted to shower today and I still might. Though I am feeling really tired right now so it might not happen.

I got an email from my LTD company. I have to submit paperwork to prove that I am still disabled. I hope my pcp goes along with what I write. Last night I had a bad night of pain that kept me up for a few hours. I just wanted to sleep because I was so tired but the pain was so bad. It felt like each bone in my foot was being crushed individually. My foot still hurts but it is just buzzing right now. I made sure to sit while I worked on the casserole.

I don’t know if I am going to do any schoolwork today. I really don’t have the brain power as I am so tired and my head hurts. I was able to get some kind of thing from the makers of my migraine med so I hope they can cover some of the cost of the copay I have to pay. I just don’t know how much they will cover until next week. I got $30 left in my account so we’ll see. I don’t know if I have the beginning of a migraine or not. I have some nerve pain on the top of my head. I just took some ibuprofen. Last night I was ready for bed by 630pm. It is almost 5pm and I am struggling to stay awake. I just want to lie down but I know if I sleep, I run the risk of waking up around midnight and being up half the night. I still need to finish the chapter I started last weekend. I think tomorrow I am going to split my time between studying for psych and reading Anthro. I have a quiz next week in my psych class and I want to try and remember the people I need to know and the things they did as well as the thirty some odd terms in the chapter. I don’t know how many will be on the quiz. I am nervous. Hope I don’t blank out.

Yesterday I had therapy. She wanted me to feel accomplished or something because I radically accepted Tues as being a day of struggle. Then she said that she thinks I think I am a victim. WTF I have no idea what she means and time was up so I didn’t get into it.

Today I struggled to get up. I thought about skipping class. But I got up and got dressed. I am tired but am to move without struggle. I went to Starbucks and had something to eat even though I wasn’t hungry. I had my latte. That was really all I wanted. I’ve been sweating since I left the house. I dressed too warm. It isn’t that cold out today. I probably didn’t need my jacket but it had my candy and earbuds.

Class was about the brain, which was a review for me at this point. I’ll read the chapter Sat. I need to space out my readings.

Tomorrow I plan on making the chicken broccoli casserole. It is an all day affair. Hope my sister will take some chicken breast as I won’t be using the whole package. I think there are like five breasts and I will use three. I might boil the chicken tonight when I get home so it saves me a step. I’m kind of tired so idk. I also need to eat something. I don’t know what to make. Maybe I’ll roast a chicken.

This was how I felt yesterday

You’re not sorry

Taylor’s song has been in my head all day so naturally became my title for the day. I went to campus and it was so hard. I felt ok getting to the Square and going to Starbucks but by the time I had finished eating my breakfast sandwich, I was tired. As I walked to the station to head to campus, my legs felt so heavy. I took my time going to the Hall but was out of breath by the time I got there. I had a hard time getting going today. It was so fricken cold with the wind bringing the temps down by like 15 degrees. Otherwise, it would have been a nice day.

I didn’t think I was going to make it through class. I was so tired I kept spacing out. One of the questions I got partly right so I felt good about that. We left after an hour. The ride home sucked. The train was so fricken slow. It took me an hour and a half to get home. I was so damn tired. I thought about ordering a pizza but I think I am just going to have a PB&J. I need to get more bread. I don’t know when I will be able to get to the grocery store. I wanted to take out chicken for making a casserole but I forgot. I bought like 5 pounds of chicken breast and froze it all. I will share some with my sister when I thaw it out. It is an all day affair to make this casserole but so worth it.

My Anthro professor just sent us a link about intermediate seminars. The class, as far as I know, isn’t one but I am just taking it to fulfill the SB requirement. I am glad I did all the reading yesterday so I can focus on my psych class. I don’t think I will do anything tonight unless I can’t sleep, in which case I might finish the chapter I started the other night. I still need to start reading the other book because it is next on the syllabus.

I have therapy tomorrow. I really had to push myself today to get around and do what needed to be done. Just hope tomorrow I don’t pay for it. I never know what my energy levels are going to be or how long they will last. Sometimes just getting to Starbucks is enough to exhaust me. I had a decent sleep even though I woke up at 330 to pee and then had a difficult time getting back to sleep. I woke up a few minutes before my med alarm went off at 9. It has been a long day.