midnightdemons7

Saturday Blog  14122024

I’ve been up since 4am. I woke up to pee and couldn’t get back to sleep. I thought it was like 9am but I didn’t have my glasses on when I looked at my phone so the 3 looked like an 8. I didn’t get up till 1030 though. I was planning on going to Starbucks but I wanted a cup of coffee before I left the house. I had a slice of pumpkin pie with it.

The bus was coming just as I finished my coffee so I had to wait for the next one. It was freezing when I left the house but the sun made things warm. I was still out of breath when I got to the bus stop. The bus was running late as my transit advisor said five minutes but I waited longer than that. I’m glad I left when I did because Starbucks was filled up. It’s always busy on Saturdays and sometimes it is hard to get a seat. I had ordered something to eat so I ate. Then I took out my laptop and spent a few hours working on my paper. When I thought I was done with it, I sent to a friend to edit it. He sent it back when I came home. I picked up my meds and then waited for the bus.

I worked on the paper when I got home. I had to cite something my friend wrote, he was quoting himself and I was like ok is this a personal statement/communication? He sent me the article where he got the information and I updated the file and my citations. Last night I learned how to add citations from pubmed. I was all excited about it. So easy. Though citing from a website is still torture, adding it to my program is anyways.

I am done with the paper for today. I can’t work on it anymore and time flew by. Before I knew it, it was time to take my night meds and I didn’t have supper yet. I ate some burritos and then took my meds. I hope I sleep tonight. Tomorrow I am not going anywhere. I need to finish my paper so I can study for my exam and then be done with class.

I have been feeling like shit most of the day. I have pain in my RUQ. I had pulled a muscle a few weeks ago and it still hurts. Stretching just makes it worse. I don’t see my doc until next month. At least when my neuro did liver tests I know it’s not my liver. Lying down usually helps. I just feel depressed. I hate this time of year.

Another one down, final to go

I didn’t feel like going to class today. I was so stressed with having to do the two papers, I was too anxious to leave the house. I did the extra credit article and submitted it. Then I ordered pizza. I looked over the suggestions my professor made and not only does she want me to reorganize but it needs to be rewritten. Basically I have to start over. I had done a separate bibliography for this class but seeing as I needed my research now, I combined the two. I was so anxious I felt sick. I feel like I have something heavy on my chest.

I’m trying to keep things together. I had suicidal thoughts earlier. They lasted a few hours. I didn’t reach out because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of them. I just wanted to die. It just came on. I am glad my therapist doesn’t do those questionnaires my other therapist did. I hated doing them because I knew I was depressed, why are you going to ask me questions about it.

I am tired. I had weird dreams last night. One was of my ex and we were living together or something. It was strange. I had taken Nyquil last night because my nose was stuffy. I didn’t have a good sleep. Tomorrow I am going to go to Starbucks and write my paper. I won’t turn on the wifi so I won’t be distracted with the internet. Just hope I wake up early enough.