midnightdemons7

Early day makes you tired

I woke up around 830am to empty my stupid bladder. I then checked to see if my check came in. It did so I did a little shopping and ordered breakfast with a coffee. I paid my cell bill and signed up for autopay. For some reason, even though my plan is like $85, I am being charged $105. With autopay, I save $5. Pollen count is high today so I have been sneezing my head off. I tried to have a second cup of coffee but I couldn’t finish it. For some reason, I can never drink a second cup. Probably because of the weight loss drug. I blame all my eating issues on it.

I have decided not to get an eye exam this year as I don’t think I need a new prescription. I wish I knew where my prescription was so I could get a new pair of glasses. I like my current one but I would like to change it to something else. For some reason my phone created a video of my selfies so I saw different pairs of glasses on me from over the years. I liked the black frame ones. Those were cool. I have no idea where they are though to get my current prescription in them. But then again, I have no idea where my current prescription is either.

Therapy was about my bitch sister and how she eats my food, particularly my ice cream. I told her how I was struggling to get groceries as I have not been able to for the last maybe three months. I have been swamped with bills and just have done little shopping for absolute necessary things like my half and half and stuff to eat for a week or so. For a few days I lived off peanut butter and jelly sandwiches because I didn’t have anything else to eat. I haven’t bought burgers because I haven’t gone to that particular grocery store in a while. I just been going to the cheaper grocery store and ignore the meat section. I should make a casserole again. That will last me a few days of meals. I told her my bitch sister doesn’t care because she criticizes what I buy. My other sister also criticizes what I buy but understands my money is limited. Bitch doesn’t understand that.

Before therapy, I shaved and trimmed my goatee. I love the feel of my head when it is smooth. I haven’t brushed my teeth yet because while I was shaving, I got a cramp in my arm. I took the puppy for a walk around the block and my back cramped up on me and for some reason, it has continued. I need to take Ativan tonight. Maybe a pain med too as my ankle is hurting now. Been hurting the last few days. I have been ignoring it, pretending it doesn’t hurt, which is hard to do some days. I have to get up early tomorrow for the ultrasound. I need to be fasting. I will need to take my meds with a minimal amount of fluid. I got brain fog right now and it was so hard to do the simple math of when I needed to start the fast. I need sleep.

Fuck it Sunday

I had some weird dreams and woke up kind of perturbed. I wanted coffee. I had a dark roast which isn’t my usual coffee that I have. I don’t know if it was that or the senna that upset my stomach, but damn, I was in some serious pain afterwards. I didn’t want to do a fucking thing today. I didn’t shave. I had my cousin come over and take care of the forest at the back of my neck.

I did my meds. I got rid of the recycle that was on my bed and started taking things slowly off my bed. I want to change my sheets this week. I really don’t like them because they are white and everything shows up on them. It’s driving me crazy. I want my solid color back.

It’s been a cloudy day with some rain this afternoon. It stopped but it remained cloudy. My brother in law made some peppers and steak so I had some. It was good. I took some zucchinis so I can make my zucchini bread. I just need to find the recipe. I don’t know what my sister did with my recipes. I tried to find it on my phone and it wasn’t there. There are like a million recipes and I don’t remember where I got it from. It was a good one because the bread was moist and tasted really chocolatey.

Other than therapy, I have one appt this week. It’s for an ultrasound. I got to leave in the morning and it is a six hour fast. I am going to bring a sub with me so I can eat it after the test. Maybe I will get an iced tea and chips too. They have a little café shoppe in the lobby. Hopefully I will have some money left in my check when I get it tomorrow.

It’s kind of humid today despite it raining. I have my AC off because I was cold. It just felt cold out. Sox won. I am glad the game was early. Now I can read tonight. There are three weeks till the semester starts. I am going to start the gender book next week. It is an online class. I just hope it isn’t intense. I am hoping for an easy semester. I wish I had some ice cream.

Saturday Blog 22082026

I slept most of the day because I couldn’t sleep for whatever reason last night. I got up to pee around 1130pm and I was up all night. I finally took some Ativan around 4am. I thought about reading but I had a damn headache. My hopes for attending the suicide webinar didn’t happen. Tomorrow is the last day but there isn’t anything that is piquing my interests. I don’t know the speakers.

My sister ordered pizza so I had some of that. I had something to eat with my coffee early today. I had two cups of coffee. I tried listening to the ballgame but my head couldn’t take the commentary. I am feeling tired but still have some energy to be awake. I am going to read my book.

All week, I have been going to bed before 9pm. I just have been feeling super tired. My mood has been so so today. Honey is with her dad. He came to pick her up and I am sad. I haven’t been thinking about suicide the past few days. I just been down. I feel guilty most of the time and like a failure. I feel like I have let everyone down. I feel useless. I try to distract myself from the feelings. I was talking to a friend today who was having a rough time. I tried to be supportive to her. Some days are just bad days. I don’t know if today is a bad day for me. I have been too sleepy.

My leg hurts me for some reason. I don’t have a headache right now. It finally went away. It is exhausting to have them tho for so long. It really is debilitating. I hate that I missed Jobes talk the other day. But there is a webinar in Sept on suicidology that he is giving so I hope to attend that. I worry that my headaches will interfere with my reading for my classes. I hope it doesn’t because that will suck.

Got things done

I didn’t sleep at all yesterday. I finally crashed around 630pm. I had a headache and I have one today too, though I think it is turning into a migraine. I wanted to shower last night but I lost energy. I wanted to take a shower before therapy today but I didn’t get up in time.

Therapy went ok. We talked about how bad I feel. She suggested partial hospitalization and I turned it down. I don’t want it. She suggested respite but there is none close to me. She asked what I was going to do when she went on vacation and I told her I would be ok.

After therapy, I had coffee. I tried to get the puppy outside but she was being stubborn. After I had my coffee, I took a shower and then shaved. I had to go pick up my meds but it was too early as the pharmacy was taking their meal break. I think I left around 3pm for the bus. I gave myself plenty of time to walk there. It was humid out. I was sweating and I hated it. I wasn’t wearing my hat as I forgot it. It wasn’t sunny out as it was supposed to rain. I grabbed a few items after I picked up my meds.

I came home and the puppy was whiny. I don’t know what she wanted. After I had something to eat, I took her for a walk. She seemed ok after that. It started to drizzle out so we went in and she started to whine again. I figured maybe she wanted to cuddle and that settled her down. I stayed with her until I had to go up to my room to take my night meds. The game is playing but I will just keep track of it. I was going to listen to it but this headache is really a bitch.