midnightdemons7

Brain logged me out and I don’t remember my password

I’ve been having bladder cramps for the past week or so. Urine showed a bug but my pcp isn’t treating me for that bug. I am so pissed off. I feel like crap and the antibiotic she put me on never works for me. I don’t know what to do.

I managed to sleep most of the night. I was exhausted. I had a hard time getting up today at Starbucks to do it and my brain stopped working. I couldn’t focus to save my life. I tried writing something and the more I tried, the more blank I got. I got so frustrated. I just went to the pharmacy to pick up my meds and then I went home. I felt like taking a nap, even though I just had 5 shots of espresso. I tried to nap but couldn’t. I got really cold and am still cold. I just feel so run down.

I have an appt tomorrow with the NP for blood pressure check and then I have class. I haven’t started on the new material yet. I still got to write this damn paper but my brain is foggy right now. I have a busy week. I got to memorize some Italian as I have oral exam next week. I got to tell a story in the past. I am so screwed. We can’t use cards or anything to help us. I am gonna fail.

Can’t sleep due to class stuff

I woke up about an hour ago. I had to pee. I woke up from some dream about work and it gave me a headache. The headache is gone now and I decided to work on my paper. It is slow going as I am trying to pull things together.

I am tired but awake. I had a cup of coffee late, after I had dinner. I was hoping it would keep me awake enough to work on the paper but it didn’t. I did my Italian. All I need to do now is come up with a funny story. I can’t think of anything. The depression doesn’t allow for funny things. I have something in mind in which I was a little and I hid in my closet. I don’t know why but I did and my mother lost her mind trying to find me. I thought it was hysterical but it was late at night and I ended up falling asleep in the closet without meaning to. Eventually, I was found. It was funny to me but not my mother!

I start therapy twice this week. My therapist wants to increase the sessions because of my suicidality. She wants to support me. I don’t know how I feel about it. I didn’t ask, it was just offered. We’ll see how it goes. Maybe it will break up the depression some.

I slept for a few hours after I had something to eat. I was hungry. I also had coffee and something more to eat when I got up. My sister made a gravy and the sausages and meatballs were done. They were good. We aren’t having dinner until 330 today because my nephew works the night shift so we figure give him some time to sleep. I haven’t worked on my paper yet. I don’t know what to write anymore. I have until tomorrow to turn it in.

Dinner was good. I ate too much and had too many desserts. My sweet tooth is crazy. I had a cappuccino but I don’t think there is much caffeine in it as I took a nap when I went upstairs. I got a headache now. I am going to write the funny story for the Italian discussion and then work on the paper tomorrow. Or maybe during the night if I can’t sleep again. Who knows.

Got out today

I woke up to pee around 1 and had a difficult time getting back to sleep so was up most of the night. I tried napping but I couldn’t really sleep. I had to leave my house around noon to be at my appt on time.

I sent a message to my pcp as I have been having bladder cramps the past few days. It’s been uncomfortable but I have no pain peeing or fevers. I gave a urine sample and it showed inflammation. I have to wait for the culture to come back to see if I have an infection. I have been drinking fluids to push it out.

I walked all over the hospital today. I didn’t like the pulmonary tests at all. It made me dizzy. They wanted to give me albuterol for one of the tests but I said no and then I was done. I was still wheezing when I came home. I went to the grocery store as I needed half and half. The bus came right on time. I almost slept through my stop.

I haven’t done any school work at all. I did read a chapter. I think I have one left and the epilogue. I need to write my paper and I am panicking. I am also panicking because I haven’t done my Italian. I was wicked tired when I came home today. I tried doing the Italian this morning but the damn word doc wouldn’t open. I don’t know what was wrong with it. I emailed the professor but got no response. I ended up saving it to my drive on my phone and I hope that solves the issue.

I’ve been feeling wicked depressed all day and honestly cannot wait until my date. I want to end this. I don’t know if I will be able to. Things just suck so bad right now and I hate everything.