I am reading A. Alvarez’s A savage God. I have just read the part where Plath finds comfort in Lowell’s pain of losing his mind. Isn’t that the essence of mental illness, taking comfort in another’s pain? I do not mean that we wish each other harm, just that it is comforting to know that we are not the only ones that are suffering so.
Lowell had talked about his breakdowns and subsequent hospitalizations which lead to my current one just a few weeks ago. No one really knows that I was again hospitalized because I have not really told anyone other than those close to me. No one would suspect that I have been. I had been psychotic the past few weeks and now that I am on meds I am “well again”. I am reading Plath and how every decade she attempted suicide doesn’t bode well inside of me. I have yet to attempt anything in over a decade now and I feel that the longer I wait, the longer and more fruitful it will be for soon no one with suspect that I have thought such things. No one will suspect that my depression has gone astray, that it has gone away and I am well now. But physical pain is more of a reality than my psychache is these days.
midnightdemons7 