It’s a cold day today. Monday was just a tease of spring. Today we have snow like conditions. Tonight’s baseball game has been cancelled due to rain. I am upset because now I have nothing to watch. Maybe I will watch Lincoln again tonight.
I saw my psychiatrist today. I told her I felt bad that I neglected her in my book and wrote a few pages about her today. I wanted to write more but I had to catch the bus. I will work on it more tomorrow. It is important that I try and capture the alliance piece because without it, I doubt that I would be seeing her. And as she said, that would be a lost opportunity.
I had two cups of coffee today and right now I feel like I could take a nap. I have been up since seven this morning so it already has been a long day as it’s almost six in the evening now. I haven’t had supper yet and plan on making grilled cheese as it’s National Grilled Cheese day. Who knew?
I have not had real thoughts of killing myself today. I tossed the idea around like I usually do every day and often wonder what it would be like to be dead but that is as far as I got. I didn’t make any plans. I have been in pain today because of the walking in going to my appointment. But right now it’s a tolerable level. I just have to be careful going up and down the stairs tonight. Because that motion aggravates my foot. It does not like it.
I’m listening to Luke Bryan as I am writing this. I love his voice. I just downloaded (legally) his newest song “crash my party”. I heard it at the ACMs and loved it. I am so glad that he released it. I thought it might be on his summer break album but it’s not. He is just an amazing person. In other news, I was saddened by Sugarland’s extended maternity leave. I miss listening to Sugarland. I LOVE Jennifer Nettles. She also has an amazing voice.
Today is the first day my therapist is away. For the first time in twelve years I am nervous. But my psychiatrist is there in case something should come up. I am don’t know why I am nervous. It’s not like she has never been away before. Usually I welcome her vacations as it gives me a break but this time it just sucks. I have been working on the Aeschi model and it just makes so much sense with the way my alliance is with my therapist. I know I will survive a week without her, and I also know I will text her every other day to give her an update. She is a looney tune for wanting these updates, though she is not going to be in an area that has reception. I’ll send the texts anyways because I fear that if she doesn’t hear from me she might get worried. Part of the agreement we have is to constantly be in touch with her. She always wants to know what is going on with me and sometimes I just want to be left alone. This time I will be left alone as there isn’t a way for her reach me should I need a check in. She doesn’t have anyone covering her while she is away. But I should be ok. I don’t know why I am nervous though. I guess I rely on her so much lately that knowing she is not there troubles me somehow? I just hope that I can continue to write like I have. It would really suck if I stop writing. Then something is really wrong with me…
midnightdemons7 