This is a bitch blog. I have been up since nine this morning in pain. And here it is ten in the evening and I am still in the same amount of pain I was this morning. I have not had a day like today in a very long time. I find it distressing though. The pain is a 7 out of 10. I can stand it but it is annoying the crap out of me. It is a constant throb that just bugs the crap out of you.
I have tried taking my pain meds and it brings it down to a three so I do get some relief but I shouldn’t be having this much pain for doing nothing. Granted I was on my feet the whole while my mother was being attended to by the paramedics. I couldn’t bring myself to sit nor did I think to sit. So I know I am going to pay the price sometime tomorrow, if this pain settles down.
I am so tired of being in pain every day. It sucks. I can’t stand when my foot gets cold all of a sudden and I have to go around the house with one sock on because I have to warm it up. Then when it gets warmed up, it REALLY gets warmed up. My foot then is on fire that I can’t extinguish.
I really hated that I had to miss a therapy session today because of my mother. I really wanted a check in later, just to vent a little of the scariness but my therapist wasn’t available. I talk to her tomorrow so it is not a huge deal. I just hope that she allows me a free pass because it was a medical emergency. I couldn’t just sneak away while my house was full of emergency personnel. One of the policemen that came to my house was a former co-worker of mine from Somerville Lumber. It was good seeing him, though I wish it was under different circumstances.
I still can’t believe my mother had a hypoglycemic attack right under my nose. I should have known that her falling was trouble. I just hope that she isn’t too sore tomorrow. I know her arms are going to be sore because she was trying to pull herself up pretty hard but no luck. Her legs hurt more than mine do. But I couldn’t pull her up because I have a bad back and weakness in my legs. I had no choice but to call for help.
I think today was the first day that suicide wasn’t on my mind. But I have been writing about it so I guess it has been. I just feel like now I can’t go through with my plans because someone has to be with my mother all the time. If I wasn’t home or here, my mother would probably have died by the time my sister came home from work because no one would be able to call her and reach her. I just don’t know anymore. I hate being the responsible one all the time.
I am getting sleepy from my meds but pain is still keeping me up. My foot is just throbbing so bad. It feels like someone is trying to take a bite out of my foot with a vise. I hate this feeling. It is awful. I wish that the cream my doctor prescribed for this type of pain actually worked but it does not. It causes more burning sensation on my foot than the nerve pain ever caused. I have stopped using it for this reason. It is such a waste of money.
midnightdemons7 