accountability

Just had my morning coffee, Blue Java. I made it a little bit too strong as I don’t have the right scoop anymore. I don’t know what my mother did with it, but I can’t find it. Now I feel energized. I wrote two pages in my book. I felt I could write more but I needed a break from what I was writing. It stirred up a lot of emotions from last year. I can’t believe it’s been a year now that I have been out of work. I still feel the sting every time I talk about it.

A friend of mine wanted me to write a blog about friendships and being there for people. I have to say that since my departure from my job there have been people there for me but now they have withered away. I don’t talk to my former coworkers anymore, even the ones that I had gotten really close to. I guess you can say that my friends have moved away from me. I get calls every now and then but that is it. After saying hello and how are you doing there really isn’t much to talk about.

My friend was in need of talking to someone and when she dialed a few friends they weren’t available and that hurt her. I don’t blame her. I know what it is like to want to talk to someone and not have anyone to call. Least she has someone to call but when they don’t answer, that just feels like a slap in the face.

I have one friend that I can count on day or night to call up and talk to no matter what time it is. And so far he has not disappointed me. I sometimes text him first to see if he is available and he usually texts me back if he isn’t or calls me if he is. I love him and value his friendship more than anything.

But how is it that people say they are going to be there for you and then not follow through? I don’t get that. I think people say it just to be friendly and hope that no one ever calls them on it. That is just hurtful. If you are not going to be available for that important call, then don’t bother saying you are always there for them because you are not. In a suicidal crisis, that is the worst thing you can do. But my friend wasn’t suicidal. She just needed to talk to some one and no one was there for her. This makes me sad. She is a good person and I know she has some really good friends and all but how good is it if they don’t return phone calls or answer them. I know with caller ID people can just ignore phone calls now. They see who is calling and just decide they don’t want to talk to that person right now. Or maybe they are too busy to pick up the phone because they are in the middle of something. But couldn’t they just say that rather than ignore the call? I think that would be better but most people don’t think that way anymore. I know people have their lives to attend to. I just think it is sucky when you want to talk to someone and no one is there to pick up the phone.