I realized this morning after I got a FB message from my South African friend that the midnight demons were in full gear last night. I don’t but do remember sending out basically goodbye messages to friends and writing a blog that was basically a goodbye blog. I don’t know why I got into my split personality but even though I am not feeling that way right now, I still am feeling blue.
I am babysitting my niece today. It has been a long day as I woke up early and still have another 3 hrs before my sister comes home from work. I don’t know what to do with this kid as it is raining outside. I so wanted to go to Starbucks today but that isn’t happening due to the weather. I haven’t been out of the house most of the week. I am going on three days being indoors. I just haven’t felt like getting dressed and stuff to make the excursion to the land of coffee. I have been drinking coffee with my sister’s Keurig but it’s not the same. If I see another bag of my Kati Kati, I am grabbing it!
I deleted my previous post. I felt I had to because it was too depressing and gloomy. I still don’t know why I become that suicidal and depressed. I know part of it has to do with my menses. I wasn’t this way when the menses were stopped. Even my psychiatrist notices a change in my behavior and manner when I bleed. So it is something obvious that I am not seeing. I just know that I get really emotional and cry at the slightest thing, get irate at the little inconvenience, and just downright suicidal. It’s like I am being possessed by a demon and it hurts very bad inside. My chest feels like there is an indescribable weight on it and I just am in a lot of psychological pain that is worse than any physical pain that I have ever experienced before.
midnightdemons7 
That’s a good one I know a few bloggers who have it in a psychotic form. That’s be kinda scary though I live with psychosis majority of the time already so it might be better just to have it for a week or so.
Well, hope it’s better tonight– I’ll be thinking about you.
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thanks. Yes I have it, though I like to call it PMSD..pre-menstrual suicidal disorder. I just get really whacked out. I still am in shock about how I got. I hope it doesn’t happen again tonight but I am noticing a pattern. I seem to get out of whack, get up real early the next day then get really exhausted. I don’t know but thanks for offering support. it is appreciated.
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Ever heard of PMMD? It might be a fact for you. I don’t think I saw the post, but if you ever need someone to talk to e-mail me, mm172001@hotmail.com can’t promise I’ll respond right away but I check my e-mail like mad in my waking hours.
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