Been up since six this morning. I didn’t wake up in pain, though the pain started about twenty minutes after I was some what awake. I felt energy and my brain was awake so I worked on my second book for a little bit. I wrote a few pages until I ran out of what to say. I then fell back to sleep because by then the pain meds had kicked in. I had the weirdest dream when I woke up a few hours later. I dreamt I was over a Facebook friend’s house and we were playing games because she was looking for something to do. I hardly know this person as she is the daughter of one of my friends. I might have met her twice in real life. That was why the dream felt so strange. I will blame it on the pain meds.
I made some breakfast and then played my game. In no time I was out of rewards and that pisses me off because then I can’t get the stuff that I need from other people. I usually get the stuff from my other account but I just didn’t feel like make a bunch of requests and then logging in the account to get them. It is very time consuming. Not that I had anything to do or something. It just gets mundane after a while.
I then went to get my prescription at the super Stop and Shop and was floored when my prescription was more than it usually is. They raised the price of it by twenty dollars. I didn’t have the money but the pharmacist was kind enough to give me a few pills till my next check comes in. I had to sign up for their savings program in exchange for it so it still is going to cost me money in the end. I might as well go through my insurance, but then I am not going to have it for that much longer. I have decided that I am going to go on the state plan. I think it will be better for me because my cousin, who is on the same medicine as me, pays less for it than I do on my plan. He only pays like ten dollars and I have to pay thirty for mine. And this is just for ONE prescription! I have like seven different pills that I take on a regular basis so it adds up. He takes about the same and his total cost is like twenty dollars. My cost is way more than that. It drives me crazy. He also pays for his insurance but it is less than mine. I just really have to find out if my primary doc takes state insurance. If he doesn’t, I will have to keep it until they kick me off it and I have no choice but to switch. I am really worried about it. As it was, I got so wracked up (mostly due to the coffee I drank), I got the shakes and thought instantly of killing myself. I just hate it when I am this broke. Every month I have to pay at least seventy dollars for my pills. It kills me but I have to be on them or I go nuts. This pill that went up was my blood pressure medicine. I have been on it for a while so I don’t want to stop taking it. I get really bad migraines and of course my blood pressure goes up when I do stop taking it. I think the high blood pressure causes the migraines because since my BP has been normalized, I don’t get migraines that often anymore. I still get them but they are infrequent.
I also have been in a weepy mood today. My sisters were talking and for some strange reason I just felt like bawling my eyes out. It might have had a little something to what we were talking about but, man, I have never cried in front of my sisters and mother ever. I don’t know why I was so emotional and I better not be getting my damn menses again. I will really become suicidal again if that happens. Either that, or I am going into early menopause or something. I was wicked sweaty while we were talking. My shirt became soaked with sweat as I was holding back the tears. I just became really hot all of a sudden.
I keep thinking that if only I could get my book out there I will be set financially, least for a little while. But I don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket. I am still so scared with this book. I am afraid that it won’t sell. I am afraid of bad reviews. I am afraid of what people will think of me after they read it. I am afraid of it being too successful and giving me false hope. I don’t know if any of these fears has any merit. Maybe every writer has these fears. I don’t know. I never got this far along in my writing to actually write a book let alone actually do it. I have the manuscript in my hands so I know it isn’t just some words on a screen. I am also hoping this is the break in my life that I have been looking for. I am not expecting it to go beyond Amazon.com but if it does then I will be grateful.
While I was going through the publishing process, I realized I still need a blurb about the book. I think I wrote it when I was writing to Dr. Michel. I just have to fine tune it some more so it’s at least more than three sentences.
midnightdemons7 