rough patch

I woke up again before seven o’clock. This is getting so old. I know that if I had somewhere to go at that time, I would not be waking up so early. I made breakfast at eight and then I took some pain medication as my ankle was hurting. I then fell asleep for a few hours. I did not want to get up. I wanted to stay in bed but I had to get moving in order to get some journaling done before my pdoc appointment.

While I was there I was contacted by the editor of the AAS blog to see if I had any writing that I wanted to submit. I told her I would have something in a week. But it turns out it will be less than that as I worked on it on the train. Wrote about four pages between five stops on the Red Line. And I think it is pretty good. Now I just got to type it up and edit it. I wrote about chronic pain and suicide. I think it is an area that is often overlooked by people who attempt suicide. Course when I submit this, I don’t know when it will be published. But will let you know when I do.

My pdoc appointment went well. No med changes. Everything is status quo. I wonder why I bother going to see her. It just is annoying because I feel so frustrated that all she can do is support me right now because there isn’t a medication that will help me. Like this depression that I was in. Luckily I seem to be coming out of it as my thoughts are faster than they were. I can write without it being painful. If it was I would be complaining about it. But there would really be nothing she could do about it. I forgot to tell her about the increase in anxiety I have been having but did tell her I want to drink more. She didn’t like that but understood. And as long as I don’t go through with it, I think I will be ok. But it’s tough because I feel the need to do something. No, I don’t think alcohol will solve my problems but it might just help me get through this rough patch. I am not advocating for this to anyone. But for me, if it works, then so be it. I go through periods of drinking and then I stop so I am not worried about it.

I gave in to buying Dragon Naturally Speaking. I am hoping the software comes soon so I can “type” up the story I wrote by speaking it. I also bought a headphone set made specifically for speech but they had the wrong adapter. Instead of it being a “single-entry” it was a double entry. Meaning you needed two points, a mic jack and a speaker jack. My laptop just has one jack so I can’t use it. I can use it on my old laptop but then I wouldn’t need the new software because I have the older version of Dragon.

I got my mocha today and it didn’t give the jitters like I was thinking it would. I did have another hypoglycemic attack because I didn’t have lunch. I was starving by the time I got home so I had a cinnamon bun to tie me over until I made dinner. I swear sometimes I think it would be better if I was in the hospital so I didn’t forget to eat.