Ramblings 68

Got an email at like 04:00 saying my proof (2nd) was ready to be shipped. I have been up since six. I got maybe five hours of sleep and woke up again in pain. I took something for it but didn’t fall back to sleep. Then around 11:30 my mother calls me and yells at me for not telling her about the book. Her sister called her to congratulate her, not me, about it. My mother was clueless, obviously. I was waiting for the proof (1st) to show up and show her I was an author as she has no idea about the cyber world. And trying to explain what a Kindle is, well, it would be hard. We talked about it at dinner tonight. I told her I was going to surprise her when the proof came but it hasn’t come yet. I told her I sold 4 copies so far. Not bad for first few days.

I am totally spent. I went out to get my mocha and came home exhausted despite having the caffeinated drink. I nearly fell asleep on the bus ride home. I closed my eyes for a few and when I opened them, I was nearly at my stop! Guess it was more than a few minutes!

I had therapy today and didn’t want to talk. She wanted to talk about the book and how I feel and yada yada. I just wanted to talk about nothing to do with the book. I am tired of the book. I spent three days on this book on little sleep! I don’t even know what day it is anymore. I read my comp book today and the last entry was the 3rd of April saying I still haven’t heard from my editor. Man, that was 6 days ago!! And already, I am a published author. (You can get the book through this link if you have Kindle. Book isn’t yet available as a paperback.)

Amazing how things have changed in a few days time. Yesterday I was jubilant, today I am yucky. I just want to sleep but I am denied, even with drugs (legal kind). I just want a good sleep, a restful sleep. But I have been so anxious and nervous, that has been nearly impossible for me to relax. Plus, due to my fuck its mindset, I haven’t filled my pill box for the week. I just have been taking my most important pill and instead of all my pills. I don’t know how many days I have missed. I am going to try and take all my meds tonight (not the whole bottle, just the pills). Maybe then I can get some rest. I know I haven’t taken my mood stabilizer all week. And I don’t remember the last time I took my anti-psychotic. That is probably not good but the voices have not amped up so I think I am good. I just hope I really sleep tonight. I am not planning on doing anything tomorrow, except possibly have a session with my therapist. I am going to need the extra support to deal with my father’s issues on Friday. I really hope that he doesn’t have to go into the hospital. It will so suck because his care is so complicated. I rather have him in where I used to work so it is easier to get to him. But then I really want him at the hospital closest to his home so I don’t have to worry about parking fees. But his primary doc changed location and hospital affiliation to one I despise. I just hope the medication works and he feels better by Friday. Then it will be a load off my mind.