Our power just went out. It has been a long day for me and I am glad the power is gone because that means I can possibly take a nap without the internet distracting me. I find it hard to sleep when there are new messages from Twitter. I am so addicted to it and my game.
I was supposed to go with my sister today for my father’s appointment. I wasn’t feeling good as my throat hurt and my nose was all clogged up. I think I am getting a fricken cold. Just what I need. I also haven’t been sleeping more than 4-5 hours a night. It is killing me. I can’t remember the last time I slept even 6 hours straight. What kills me is that my meds should knock me out solid for the night but they don’t anymore. The new medication I started a few days ago should knock me out but it doesn’t. I don’t know if it is doing anything for me anyways. I have noticed no change in my pain and swelling. I am still sore from PT yesterday. My calves are killing me from the stretching exercises. I haven’t done all my exercises today. I just did the ones were you bring your toes up while sitting down. I also tried the balancing but I couldn’t stand too long on my left foot, not even for 15 secs because my foot was using every muscle to try and keep my balance and it hurt doing it. The only exercise I didn’t do was the stretching of the calf. I am sore, as I said, and didn’t want to tax my calf more than it already is. I will do all three exercises tomorrow, if my foot pain isn’t too great.
I went to Starbucks despite feeling like I got a cold. I needed coffee. I also wanted a chance to get out of the house and back to my routine. I sat and had my latte while writing in my journal until the next bus came. I didn’t write consistently in my journal. I had to email my pdoc because I am running out of my Ativan. She still has not responded and is pissing me off. I am tempted to page her to get her to do what I want but that sounds pathetic. But it will beat playing the email game. If I don’t hear from her tomorrow morning, I will page her to get my script and an appointment with her.
I made an appointment for my eyes in the next few weeks. I have been noticing some vision changes when I switch glasses, from my bifocal to my single vision. I don’t know how I am going to afford a new pair of glasses but I will figure it out. I always do.
I have been in pain most of the day and I have been really tired. But I haven’t been able to nap. Last night, I went to bed before 9 and I woke up at 1. Went back to sleep at 2 only to wake up around 6. It sucked. So despite wanting to take a nap right now, I am trying to avoid it and sleep around 10 or 11 pm. My body is not going to like staying up that late but I really don’t want to go to bed at 9 and wake up around 2 am again. I don’t know why my limit seems to be 4-5 hours of sleep lately. I hope it changes tonight.
I mailed out my book to the American Association of Suicidology today. I am kind of nervous about it. I don’t know if it will be well received or tossed out. There is no way of me knowing. And I don’t know how long the process is going to be. I am taking a huge chance with them. I guess I will have to wait and see what happens.
midnightdemons7 