Trauma comes up when you least expect it
WARNING talk about sexual abuse, childhood sexual abuse
I was minding my business today. I was in my room killing time before going out when intrusive memories of my mother abusing me came through my mind. It was a vivid memory with sensory memories too. I remember how she touched me and then put her finger inside of me. I had just finished taking a shower when I was 13 or 14 years old. She noticed that my labia was long and she wanted to exam me. There was nothing wrong with me but in my mother’s warped mind there was. She looked and felt my genitals to her satisfaction and yet still brought me to the doctor. I feel so disgusted about this. I have no idea why I didn’t say no. You don’t think your own mother would harm you. But she did. She had me lay on my bed on my back with my knees up. I shiver when I think about it. She had no right touching me. She had no right looking at me the way she did. She had no right doing what she did. It hurts so much. And this is just one of the times she hurt me.