I didn’t like the ending

I didn’t like the ending

I woke up late this morning but was still on time for therapy. I was able to have a cup of coffee. The session went ok. I told her about the trauma and how I thought my father blamed me for his actions. I realize now that I am not responsible for his actions. I jumped around the session with different things and then my therapist called me on it. I didn’t have much to say about it. I tried different deflections but she still held me to the jumping around. I felt trapped. I told her I found a new show to watch. She said it was a good show (Queen’s Gambit).

I fell asleep after session. I had woken up during the night again because I had to pee and I couldn’t go back to sleep right away. I thought about taking a melatonin but I didn’t want to have a hangover. I had a sandwich when I got up. It was the first thing I ate all day. My appetite has been up and down the past few days. After I had the sandwich, I had a cup of coffee with some biscuits. Every time I have a cup I want another afterwards. It was just an 8 oz cup. I usually have 10 oz of coffee so can feel a difference. I didn’t have another cup because that would really wire me.

I wanted to go to Starbucks today but I didn’t go. I might go tomorrow after PT. If I can find my backpack. I might bring my laptop. Depends how coordinated I am in the morning as the appointment is in the morning. I have to be ready by 10. Hopefully I will be up at 8 when my med alarm goes off so I can have some breakfast. Just hope I don’t wake up in the middle of the night again. I hope to be asleep around 10 pm tonight so I can get some sleep. I will empty my bladder before bed so I know that it is empty. If I wake up at 6 to pee at least that is around 8 hours sleep.

It was still a cloudy day today. Rain has been in the forecast again. I have no idea when I will have new AC put in. My brother in law said he would do it yesterday but for much of the day it rained. Just really sucks. I have a new AC sitting on my living room floor. I am glad the old one is still working otherwise I would be screwed because it has been muggy as hell. I have the AC on just to keep the humidity out of my room. I talked to my cousin. He is going to take me grocery shopping on Thurs. I need some Gatorade. I have 64oz bottles but it won’t last till next week when I get paid.

My neurologist agreed to start me on the new medicine. I got to wait for it to be in stock in the pharmacy. Once I have it I will taper the citalopram. Just hope I don’t get sick from it.