Sunday Blog 25072021
I am in a grumpy mood. I tried to get to sleep after I watched the Queen’s Gambit till 0230 but I couldn’t sleep. I was taking meds and melatonin and I was still up. I was kind of groggy and tried sleeping but then it was interrupted by pain. The pain was so bad it entered my dream which then woke me up. I felt like shit and still do.
I was going to take a nap after I had coffee but decided to go to the pharmacy to pick up my meds. I still have to do my meds for the week. I am off the citalopram. I am not going to start the Pristiq just yet. I want to wait a little bit. I texted my therapist this so I am sure we will be talking about this tomorrow and I hope she doesn’t get into one of her higher than mighty speeches. I won’t listen to them. I am going to ask her if she is glad I exist. I have been feeling kind of like it will be better if I don’t exist lately.
My brother in law was supposed to put in the new AC I bought yesterday and never did. Today is raining so I don’t think he will. The AC has been sitting on my living room floor all month. Box is still closed. I am so frustrated. I wish I could do it myself but I have weight limits and the AC is over 15 lbs.
My leg is bothering me so I have been in a worse sour mood. I have been thinking of not existing. I am very depressed and anxious because I haven’t slept and it is leading to dark thoughts. I am struggling to write because I am so tired. I wanted to shower today but I don’t think that is going to happen. I can’t remember the last time I showered and I don’t really care. Because of Covid I can’t smell my BO anymore.
I’ve been watching the show Community all night. It was relaxing until pain hit and then I couldn’t sleep. I finally took a little nap in the afternoon when my med alarm went off at 1600. It was good to get a little rest. I feel better mentally. I was hungry so made myself a turkey and cheese sandwich and some white rice. I also made a pink lemonade drink. It was really good. I put habanero honey mustard on my sandwich and my mouth is burning. My nephew finds the really good stuff for habanero. I really like it.
My mother has been bugging me to bring down my laptop so she can look at some cabinets. I finally brought it down and decided to finish this blog in the process. Sox had a comeback win so that was good. They beat the Skanks and won the series. They have 61 wins right now. I am so happy for them. I will be even happier when Sale returns from the IL. He has been out due to having Tommy John surgery. That is a lot of recovery.