Therapy and t shot day
Today I give myself T. It was kind of hard because it is in my left leg and it is so damn sensitive compared to my right. My thigh is throbbing right now. It normally doesn’t hurt but due to CRPS, things get inflamed and more sensitive on that side. I need to take a shower today. Hope I will have energy for it. I had two cups of coffee. I also bought new soap as an incentive.
I had therapy. It was a difficult session as we talked about how isolating my suicidality is bringing me. She wants me to reach out more but I have so much difficulty finding a receptive ear that I often just don’t. We also talked about texting. She gave me a 4 text a week limit. I can text whatever I want. I feel better knowing this because sometimes my anxiety causes me to text more. I have been trying to use the other acct to text but sometimes I want her to know something. It was really hard discussion because I felt like I was being reprimanded and I wasn’t. I felt myself shutting down and wanting to just disappear. I said so. All the memories of getting yelled at when I was a kid came flooding back. I just felt so small. I tried to deal with not shutting down. I find it hard to be comfortable with her because she seems so stand off ish.
My aunt who is recovering from Covid called me today. It was a surprise but I have been on her mind. She called me after Thanksgiving leaving a weird message about getting together. I asked my sisters if she had called them and it was only me she called. It was just weird. But it was good talking to her. She sounded fatigued and she is recovering well. I told her I went to PT to recover so I hope she does to help her. She sent me a pic of her newest grandson. He is so cute and looks like his brother so much.
I am so damn tired and I did nothing today. I still haven’t showered. I keep meaning to and just don’t. I am ready to throw everything off my bed so I can change the sheets. I might do that tomorrow or later tonight. I still have a shit ton of recycling in my room. And I got to empty my wastebucket. I just don’t have the energy to do anything.
My left side of my body hurts. From my shoulder to my foot. My thigh hurts because of the T shot. My ankle/foot hurts because as I was grabbing a gallon of water an aluminum pan came flying and hit my ankle. The gallon must have been in the pan and I didn’t see it. I am so sore. My arm is still sore from yesterday’s PT. I got to put more heat on.