update on things

Update on things

I had therapy today. We talked about advocating for myself more in doctor’s appointments. I see my pcp tomorrow. I think I may have infected my bladder with the stupid vaginal discharge I have. I have been feeling rough the past few hours. I am not looking forward to an exam. We also talked about the suicide book I am reading. In the book, the author believes that entrapment is a cause of suicide, the chief driver. I have to agree with him because in my own dealings with suicide, feeling trapped and feeling like there is no way out has caused my suicide levels to become increased. I truly believe this entrapment with transgender individuals is what drives up suicide in this population. If you can’t escape yourself, where is there to turn? If you can’t transition or there are significant barriers to transitions, suicide is possible. In the FTM breast surgery article I found, it basically says that there is no reason why BMI should delay surgery. Yet it is for many, myself included.

Friday I didn’t post a blog so I lost my streak of 28 days. I decided to take a break for a few days so I am back today to try and get to 30 days. I have been feeling so tired lately. I keep waking up around the same time every night. Sometimes it is from a weird dream or I have to pee. I then wake up a few hours later to pee again. Usually around this time it is med time so I have to get up anyway.

I bought urinalysis strips to test my urine to check for infection. I have a trace of white cells so it might be good to get my urine tested, again. I have to go for blood work so what is another test. Temps going down tonight so it is going to be wicked cold in the morning. I got to leave early. I haven’t decided if I am going to go for the lab work before my appointment or after. Depends on how I wake up. If I wake up shitty I am not going to be leaving early.

My bloody foot has been cold most of the day. Damn CRPS. I have it under blankets but it doesn’t matter. My arm has been hurting since I woke up this morning. Actually, the pain woke me this morning before my med alarm. I just couldn’t get comfortable to get back to sleep. I rested a couple of hours before therapy. I might have a cup of tea soon. Been having a cup to ward off sleeping before I take my night meds. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t and I am asleep before 8pm. I just get so tired around sundown.

any thoughts?

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