loss of a friend

Loss of a friend

Last night I was going through FB and came across a post about my friend and in the post it said in your memory. I was like, what? It was from his sister so I knew it wasn’t a joke. I went on his page and sure enough he passed away in Aug of last year, “tragically”. I can only assume he died by suicide. He wasn’t having a great time when I last saw him post.

I talked about it with my therapist this morning. We talked about a lot of different things this morning. Mostly about how bad my depression is. She wants me to get involved in some kind of advocacy group. She thinks I will be good at it. So after our session I applied to an advocacy group.

I tried sleeping but I couldn’t. My shoulder kept flaring up and I kept thinking about my friend. I kept wondering if I was going to be the next to die by suicide. I brought it up to my therapist but she didn’t have much to say on the matter. I told her he had fallen through the cracks of the mental health system as his therapist had moved to another position at the clinic and he didn’t have a good relationship with the therapist he had. I also don’t think he had a psychiatrist as the one he was seeing retired. I feel like I am in a kind of similar situation as I am not getting along with my therapist and my psychiatrist is seeing me every two months.

I am just sad.