Sunday blog 29052022

Sunday Blog 29052022

I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and surprisingly went back to sleep. The med app on my phone didn’t have the same settings as my other phone so when the alarm went off, it didn’t ring continuously so I didn’t hear it. I ended up sleeping until my bladder felt like exploding again. I have to drink a lot today as my urine was cloudy. I hope I don’t have an infection. I won’t be able to go to the lab until Wed as Mon is a holiday and Tues I have back to back to back appointments. I should have looked at my schedule before making an appointment for my therapist. But I thought I just had the chronic pain group meeting Tues. I forgot I have pain clinic appointment. Oops.

I feel really depressed today. My foot hurts something awful and my back hurts. I took a breakthrough med. I don’t want to do anything today but I was able to take the recycle stuff off my bed. I still have a box of coffee on my bed. I don’t know where to put it. I might bring it back downstairs and put it on the porch. If I get some energy I will take it down. I am fighting going back to sleep right now. I can’t wait till the AC is back in the window. Morning light keeps waking me up.

I have my “survival kit” on my bed. It is an empty Amazon box. I filled it with a few things that keep me grounded. But I am wondering if I need it if I am planning on ending my life in a year. I am tempted to put the things in the box back in my drawer and recycle the box. I didn’t decorate it like I wanted to.

I need to shower as I fricken stink again. The heat is making me sweat something awful. But my foot is hurting me. Yesterday, a day after the cortisone injection, my arms were burning hot. I put ice on and that helped a little. Today they are warm and I have less pain than I did yesterday. I also feel less like shit. With my back hurting me, I don’t know if I should attempt a shower. I have to brush my teeth too. I did yesterday. I had coffee this morning and have wicked coffee breath. Ick.

Foot is burning right now. I just want to sleep so I am going to do that. Maybe when I wake up, I will not be in as much pain as I am in and can shower and brush my teeth. I hate hurting so damn much. Sometimes I think that I should end it now and not wait till next year. It’s exhausting being in this much pain every day. I don’t think my pcp gets it. I honestly think, unless you have chronic pain, no one gets it.