Memorial Day 2022

Memorial Day 2022

I had a rough day. I woke up around 1230 to pee and never went back to sleep. I tried but it was too bright in my room. It is also hot. My brother in law says he will put my AC in today. I hope this is true as my room is hot as hell. I never showered today. I just couldn’t get the energy to. I went to my sister’s BBQ stinky. I didn’t care.

It was just family and my next door neighbors over the house. It was a good time until my bitch aunt came over. She started with her stories and bitching about this person and that person at full volume. My head was ready to explode. I clarified with her that my name is G now. She started calling me my dead name. She hasn’t seen me in full beard before. Neither did my cousin who is here from Florida. His father (my uncle) isn’t doing too well. He (my uncle) just came home from the hospital. He is in hospice care.

I am wicked tired. My foot still hurts. I am so fricken hot in my room. I won’t be able to sleep unless the temp is cooler. The sun is still out and my family is still here. My brother in law won’t come up until everyone leaves and he cleans up. I hope I don’t have to wait another fricken day for him to put the AC in.

I have a full day tomorrow with appointments. I really don’t want to go to therapy. I honestly don’t know what to tell the pain clinic PA who I will be seeing. I have no idea who she is. I am not meeting with the doctor. It should be interesting. I just know the gabapentin isn’t helping the flares. All it is doing is putting weight on me. I have gained 15 pounds so far. Terrible.

I want to ask my therapist if she knows anything about mentalizing. They use it a lot in the UK for treatment for borderline personality disorder and depression. I don’t think mentalization based therapy is popular in the US. I am not advocating that my therapist know about this form of therapy. I just want to know her thoughts about it.

The party just ended and my brother in law isn’t here. I guess I am just going to sweat to death tonight as my room is 83 fucking degrees. I am beyond pissed.