three appointments and other things

Three appointments and other things

I sort of woke up when dawn broke this morning. I will be glad when my bro in law puts in my AC so my room can be dark again. He should put it in when he gets home from work today. Least I am hoping so. I was just resting and snoozing. My sister knocked and came in my room but I didn’t stir. I looked at my phone thinking the med alarm didn’t go off again but it was only 730a. She came in again about 45 mins later and I asked what was up. She said my uncle died this morning. He had just came home from the hospital yesterday. I am glad his son was with him and he wasn’t alone in a hospital bed. My mother was crying off and on. When my aunt in another town came to my other aunt’s house, she got dressed to go over. A couple of hours later she called me asking for hydrogen peroxide. In the background I could hear my aunt moaning with grief. It wasn’t a pretty sound. I felt bad but I didn’t leave the house.

I had therapy for my first appointment of the day. I told her my uncle had passed. Then I asked her about mentalization. She hadn’t heard of it but she did a quick search of it and found that it was a therapy for borderline personality disorder. I said I know. It is mostly used in the UK and some places in the US. I told her I was reading the Building a Therapeutic Alliance with Suicidal patients. She then asked how to deal with someone who is obstructing care. Haha finger was pointed at me. I knew it but played along. We talked about my suicidality for a bit. The thing I left out was patient being the expert in the treatment and to be involved in care planning. I left it out because I didn’t feel like arguing with her. She still believes, and it was apparent today, that she knows all and I know nothing. Yeah, I know nothing about CBT! Other than it can help with depression. I’ll never have a collaborative approach with her.

My next appointment was with the pain clinic. I met with the PA rather than the doctor. She was very nice and knowledgeable. She wanted me to get a parasympathetic injection and I declined. She tried to make it enticing and I didn’t buy it for a minute. I don’t get injections in my back, ever. I got too much scar tissue after six surgeries. She was sneaky though. Without telling me, she ordered naloxone. I only found out when my pharmacy said they received the order. Unreal. Lost my trust.

My final appointment of the day was the pain group. I wish I didn’t go. It was such a waste of fucking time. One guy dominated the meeting with his talk about his care at the health center. I just couldn’t deal. I won’t be going next week.

I had a small bowl of cereal in between appointments. I haven’t eaten anything else today. I tried to have an iced coffee with the pain group but I just couldn’t drink it. I really am not hungry. The temp took a 20 degree nose dive today. I have been in pain most of the afternoon. I am really tired. Ballgame just started. Wacha is pitching. He is usually good but his last outing was a disaster. Pitching is always hit or miss. Yesterday they lost. So they probably will beat the shit out of the Reds tonight. Who knows. That’s what I love about baseball.

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