two cup of coffee day

Two cup of coffee day

I am having my second cup of coffee because I woke up late and I don’t want to go back to sleep. I had every intention to get up by 10 and go to the lab to get my blood drawn but it never happened. I woke up around 1130 to pee and then I went back to sleep. I got up a couple of hours later to have coffee and some oatmeal. I bought some fig bars, which I will never buy again. There are two small fig newton sized bars in the package. They were good though didn’t have as much fruit inside as I thought it would. I ate three packages. Then I read the box and there was more potassium than sodium per bar. Yikes. Hope it doesn’t cause any heart problems later.

I didn’t go to the pain group today. I just wasn’t interested. I got a call from my dentist. They want to discuss the first step in getting the implant done. I got the estimate yesterday. I have to pay $1000 for one fucking tooth. I don’t have the money. I would have to go on a payment plan but seeing as I plan on dying in a year, I don’t see the point in going for the expense.

It feels really weird not having therapy anymore. I read another chapter of Building a therapeutic alliance yesterday. The chapter was about suicide as an action directed thing. I really tried to follow along but I am going to have to re-read the chapter again to really try and understand it. It quoted Dr. Shhneidman who I love. I am going to attend the first suicide research symposium on Thursday. It starts at 1130a so I hope I am up by then.

I am having a big problem getting up in the morning. Part of the reason is that I am up in the middle of the night. I have noticed on nights where I sleep through (from say 1am on), I am more likely to be up by 9am. On nights where I am up around 3am, I am tired all day and sleep through the morning and sometimes the afternoon, depending if I have an appointment or not. I am more likely to nap around 5pm or at least rest for an hour or so before taking my night meds and paying attention to the Sox game. I have tried not to get on my phone when I am up in the middle of the night but when I have messages, it is hard. I might have to be mindful and put the do not disturb on. I think that blocks notification until it is turned off.

One thought on “two cup of coffee day

any thoughts?

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s