I woke up later than I wanted to today. I was hoping to be up before my aunt came over but that wasn’t meant to be. I got up at 10, used the bathroom, and then went back to my room to take my meds. I went to make coffee after the Lansoprazole tablet dissolved in my mouth. I hate that it is an oral dissolving tablet. I had coffee and a Belvita sandwich cookie. I was so fucking tired. I just wanted to go back to bed, but I had therapy.
Therapy went slow. I wasn’t too talkative. I told her what happened at the FTM meeting and she wanted me to talk about it. It was hard because I couldn’t remember why I left exactly, only that I was triggered. My anxiety was up and I just couldn’t take the conversation anymore. I told her there was a March coming up and I think I will be attending it. Might be a place to meet some people. We also talked about trying to get my mother to use son more. I am working on it but it is sometimes an uphill battle.
After therapy, I came downstairs for another cup of coffee. My mother was still up. My niece made her lunch. My other niece heated up the baked cauliflower she made last night. It was so good. My older niece made a gravy (tomato sauce). It smells so good. Can’t wait to have it with pasta tonight. My aunt left and I went back upstairs to my room to listen to the ball game. They are currently winning 7-1. There was a scary at bat where Justin Turner got hit in the face with a fastball. He is at the hospital being treated. Hope he will be ok.
I am feeling kind of down today for some reason. I’ve had three cups of coffee today to try and avoid taking a nap. I am really nervous about seeing my surgeon this week. I talked a little in therapy about it. I am doing better than I was a few months ago so I think my surgery will proceed as planned. In exactly 3 weeks it is to happen. My only concern is whether to have nipples or not. I also want to know how long to wear the compression vest. I am nervous about this as i will have to wear it for at least a week, maybe two. I am worried I won’t be able to take something wrapped around my chest for that long. I’ve tried wearing a binder one day and it was really difficult. I remember how much I sweat while just going to the store and back. I hope I don’t have to go to the pharmacy while I am recovering from my surgery the first week. I am going to try and save some money for cab fare so I don’t have to take the T if I do have to go to the pharmacy. I should have cab vouchers by then I hope if the program is still running.
I plan on starting a book by Alfred Adler called Understanding Human Nature. I talked in therapy about him. He was the first analyst to break free from Freud. He did humanistic therapy which I find fascinating. I once edited a chapter about Adler for a counseling therapy book. I learned so much from it. I have the book somewhere. I was able to get a copy of it once it was published. One of my proudest moments.