tied together with a smile but you’re coming undone

Tied together with smile but you’re coming undone

I have been sad all day. I’ve been listening to Taylor because she is in town performing the next three days. Her song Breathe got to me today. I almost cried while at the bus stop. I came home to the empty house. I bought my mother’s favorite bread on the way home as we haven’t bought any since she stopped eating, which was about a week before she died. I thought about making grilled cheese or a PBandJ sandwich but I ended up eating the leftover chicken I made the other night.

My sister left me a note to do the dishes. Took me all day to get the energy to do them. I went out to the social security office to change my sex. It was quite a walk. It is two long blocks from the station. There is no bus that goes down the street. There was a wait as the room was filled but I didn’t have to wait long. I think I was there for about 45 minutes. I then got an iced coffee. I was thirsty. I only had one cup of coffee before leaving the house. I found out they opened a Starbucks across from the station, which I thought was pretty cool. I thought about getting a latte on the way home but I had iced coffee instead from Dunkin. It was decent coffee.

I thought about going to the library to pick up the book that I have on hold but I didn’t have the book I need to return. I am done with reading Caste. The author is repeating herself and I just can’t read how screwed Black people in the US are, in addition to being killed. It is happening today because of White Supremacy just like it was in the 1930s. Nazi might have been born in Germany but they were modeled off of the US caste system. I just hope that what happened there doesn’t repeat itself in the US.

I am tired. I was up until 5 am. I don’t know how it got to be 5am. I was writing in my journal around 0230 and stopped around 330/4. Next thing I knew it was 5 so I went back to bed. I slept until my med alarm woke me up and I seriously wondered if I was going to get up or not. But I had already put off going to social security for a month so I had to get up. Now I just got to figure out how to get my sex changed on my insurance.