Another crappy day, another migraine

I woke up around 430 to pee and went back to sleep. I had the longest dream about being on the orange line waiting for a train. I kept walking around and there was a syringe there where trans people could donate T. I tweeted the docs who were apparently doing this and then I decided to hold on to the syringe for safe keeping. Meanwhile trains were running but none were stopping or opening the door to get in. I finally realized I was on the wrong platform. I then boarded a train but it was going around the wrong way. I woke up with such a severe headache I couldn’t move. My alarms went off and I cringed from the noise. My head hurt so much. I finally decided to get up to take a migraine med. I then went downstairs for coffee. After I finished the cup, I realized I didn’t take my morning meds so I went back to my room. I took them and then just stayed there. I felt like crap. The migraine was gone but there is this pressure around my head. I call it the aftershocks of a migraine.

My pcp office called. A nurse I don’t know left a message asking how I was and to either call back or leave a web message. I left a web message. I checked the weather app to see if there was going to be stormy or rainy and there is neither. It’s just a cloudy muggy day. I need to go to the library to pick up my book. I might go to Starbucks for another coffee and start reading it. That is if I can manage a stupid shower. I have no energy but am pushing myself to do things.

I grabbed some clean clothes and headed toward the bathroom. My nephew was in there so I decided to make a sandwich and more coffee. I really hadn’t eaten much yesterday. I really wasn’t hungry but knew I needed to eat. I’ve been on this weird kick where one day I will eat and next I won’t. I am trying to lose weight but have nothing to show for it. My stomach is causing such dysphoria. I hate my body, part of the reason I hate showering is because I hate seeing me naked. I really didn’t know how fat I was until the chest things were gone. Part of me just wants to starve myself to lose the weight but I love food too much to give it up. I usually just eat one thing a day and not even a huge meal. Just a sandwich or some eggs. Something with protein so I am not so hungry.

I am trying to get myself in the shower. I was going to groom and might still do it. I’m not sure if I am going to shave my face or not. I might shave under my chin and neck. I am still experimenting with my beard. I am trying not to go back to my room because I know I will just lay down and sleep the afternoon away. I think my nephew left so I have the house to myself. Now I just need energy to do what I need to do…