I woke up with yet another headache that turned into a migraine. It is the fifth migraine I’ve had over the last few weeks, the second one this week alone. I emailed my neurologist and she said it could be because of the barometric pressure changes due to the storms we’ve been having. I didn’t think of that. I know my pain has been crazy and my back hurt again this morning. I’m glad I emailed her as I was getting worried something more was going on.
After I ate and the migraine settled, I changed my sheets. Because the elastic on my sheets went, I will be giving them to a friend that can use the material. I’ll ship it out to her my next pay period. I am glad someone can use them. My back had a fit with the fitted sheet. I swear, as I have many time, that I am going to get a home help person just to change my sheets. My back hurts so much when it is done and takes me a few hours to recover. I know my sisters would be like, yeah, they can also clean my room, but I like my room the way it is. It is organized my way, though it does need a little decluttering. I keep saying I am going to organize my clothes better but my pain has been so out of control that it’s been next to impossible to actually do this. I also found some videos on how to make the clothes fold smaller to they can be better organized. Trick is actually learning how to do it. I’m sure I’ll have to watch the video many times to get the hang of what I am doing.
I’ve been trying to do my expenses for the month so I can get new glasses. I think I will have to save for at least two months, maybe three as I freed up around $200. I want to get the good lenses as the ones I’ve been getting haven’t been that great and I have to clean my glasses nearly every day, some times more if I accidently touch the lens. I’m glad this is just a yearly expense though, sometimes every two if my prescription doesn’t change much.
I’ve been listening to Burning House by Cam the past hour or so. The song is just mesmerizing. The lyrics don’t really make sense but the music is what I like, and obviously, Cam’s voice. I might get her album when I get paid next. Mary Chapin Carpenter is coming out with a new album at the end of the month. I can’t wait to get it. I have most of her albums as she is my all time favorite female artist. Her voice calms me when I am in an aggravated or anxious mood. Doesn’t really matter what song she sings, she always calms me down. Her orchestral album is the only one I don’t have on her playlist because some of the songs start off really low and then become really loud. Not the type of thing to hear when you want to calm down! I wish she had a tour stop at the Boston Symphony or Longwood Symphony. That would have been so fricken cool. I haven’t been to the Boston Symphony Hall in a very long time. My older friend has season tickets so he goes every Saturday during the season.
The storm is supposed to end sometime tomorrow afternoon so I am not planning on going out. My mother said that it snowed this morning but when I got up, there was nothing but wet ground. It is only raining right now as it’s currently just 36 degrees. If the temp drops, it will snow. Some places have already had over an inch of snow, but that is south of me. I just hope I don’t wake up in back pain tomorrow morning. I could barely move this when the pain woke me up at 6. Fricken sucks. I am glad it went away. I wouldn’t have been able to change my sheets.
I didn’t have the best sleep. Woke up in pain, the same pain I’ve been having the last three days. I managed to go back to sleep for a few hours. Then I got up to use the bathroom and brush my teeth. Decided to make breakfast even though it was noon. It came out alright. I was debating making coffee but thought I would go back to sleep. My ankle was still being a fuck. Bearing weight just killed me as did any movement. It was close to 1230 by the time I finished breakfast. I decided to go to the Square to get a haircut, my Casi Cielo, and burgers for tonight and then pick up my prescriptions.
I was kind of early for the bus so had to wait. It was cold and sunny. I had to wear my Sox hat because the sun was in my eyes. The wind made it feel colder than it was. The bus came and I got to the Square. I went to my barber’s shop. He was available so I didn’t have to wait. I showed him a cut I wanted rather than the usual one i get. It looked really good. I like it.
I then went Starbucks and got two bags of my coffee. I wanted a cup of that coffee but they didn’t have it for the day. I was bummed. I had a mocha instead. I didn’t stay too long as the next bus was coming. I went to the butcher shop for burgers. I also looked at the cod. It was 12 bucks for a pound and a half. I got it. I really wanted fish. I walked back to the bus stop and waited.
Bus came and then I went to Walgreens. I thought they would have the invega that was out of stock yesterday but it didn’t come in today. They said it could be tomorrow and if not call them and they can shop around for where I can get it. I was bummed. I started to feel dizzy but it was manageable. I walked home. The package my friend in Canada sent me arrived. I got the mail and brought it all upstairs. My mother wasn’t home. She was down her sister’s. I put the stuff away and then brought my package upstairs. The dizziness got a little worse as I climbed the stairs.
I opened the box and it had a lot of things. Two mugs, a journal, a cute stuffed giraffe, and a Canadian towel. Chocolate too! I was so happy. It made my day.
My mother came home and I was getting a little hungry. Maybe that was why I was dizzy. I made us dinner and the dizziness got worse. I went up to my room and the big light hurt my eyes. Took me a little while to realize it was a migraine. I took my migraine meds. I feel better but am wicked tired, which is typical after a migraine. I wish I could sleep but I got to stay up for my grocery delivery. It is coming soon, I hope.
I made a list of things I need to do tomorrow. If I get 2 of the 4 done I’ll be happy. I am glad I figured out the dizzy spells were of migraine activity than something else. Hate it that I have atypical migraines. Here I was thinking it was a withdrawal of some med but I have been taking all my meds and have not been skipping doses. So weird. I am glad it is sorted out now. Now I know what to do the next time it happens.
So this admission is very bad. All day i have been fighting to get my meds straight. None of my PRN orders are there. My night meds are my day meds. I am beyond frustrated.
The attending psychiatrist talked to my psych. She is very worried about me and doesn’t want me discharged at the end of 3 days. The attending said that if I don’t retract the 3 day, he will file for commitment. Fucking made my day. So tomorrow I’ll have no choice but to retract it. I wanted to think about it before I rushed to the decision. He said they will do “work” with me, but I seriously doubt it. The social worker I am seeing will not be my SW come Monday. I think Bonnie will be back and that isn’t good. This SW at least wants to help. Bonnie will give two shit in a hand basket. I just want to go home but it doesn’t look like it will be soon.
I’ve had a migraine most of the day. I thought some ibuprofen would take care of it but nope. Hence when I found out my PRNs aren’t ordered. The fire alarm went off today which really killed my head. We were in group, my only one i really wanted to attend. I took a shower hoping it will help. It did a little. It is hot on the unit so now I am sweating. I need to get my window open.
I haven’t been in the mood to call family. My sister just called but I didn’t pick up. I really don’t feel like talking. I woke up in pain in my malleolus and it has been constant all day. The nuclear med department called to schedule a bone scan. I told them Dec as I think I’ll be here for a while.
I am so mad at my psych for hospitalizing me. I am mad at myself for telling her my fucking plans or at least hinting at them. I want to write her an email to say she sucks. I know she knows me well and she wouldn’t put me here is she didn’t think it was necessary. Doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Just met with my check in person and he was able to open the window! Yay, no overheating! I probably won’t have privileges until maybe next week so I can go on walks. My SW saw me before she left. She said to look up positive psychology for acceptance commitment therapy. I might do it if my migraine goes away. I don’t have my laptop so looking at the stuff on my phone is going to be a challenge.
I am getting hungry. I had dinner but my sweet tooth is calling. I might have a bowl of cereal. I wish I brought some of my tea bags I like. I used them up the last time I was here. I don’t know why I’ve been so sleepy all day. I think it is my mood stabilizer that I usually take at night but they have it for the morning.
The 15 minute checks are really annoying me. I know they need to do them but my door is open. They don’t need to knock!
Saturday Blog 85
I had a fairly good sleep, though I did wake up around 0500 in pain. I was able to get back to sleep until 1300. I made coffee. My mother came home and said she needed somethings at Walgreens. I told her I would go. I drank my coffee enough so I could put the lid on and got dressed. It was really muggy and I was sweating by the time I got to the store. I got everything she needed and bought myself some turkey bacon. I haven’t had it in a while.
I came home and my shirt was soaked with sweat. I cooled off a bit and then decided to change my sheets. I didn’t have any problems, though my hip was aching me. I then decided to shower. My mother said I had to clean the shower floor because it was dirty from my feet. I don’t understand her logic. After I finished shaving my head, I showered and then cleaned the shower floor. We really need a mat as the floor can be slippery at times. I didn’t get dressed because it was too hot. I told my mother if she showered to be careful as it might be slippery. I then went upstairs to my cold room to get dressed.
I decided I was going to order Pad Thai for a reward for changing my sheets. I checked off medium as a spice level. It was hotter than I thought it would be! Next time, I am ordering mild. My mouth is still burning me. I didn’t finish it but I knew I wasn’t going to reheat it so I tossed what was left.
I was watching the game while waiting for the food and eating it. They currently are losing 1-0. But it’s still early in the game. My head is filled with music and it’s driving me nuts. So I put on my MP3 player. I need music to counteract the music in my head. I think I am getting a migraine. My head hurts. I am really tired from everything that I have done today.
It’s too early to take my night meds, though I would if I could. I am in pain but it’s tolerable. I am not going to do anything the rest of the night. I might read a few chapters of “the Adventures of Maya the Bee”. I would like to finish this book. It’s a cute little story about this bee that goes out of the hive and decides she is not going to return. Every adventure is meeting up with a new insect. She really wants to see what humans are like as she has heard conflicting stories about them.
For some reason, I have been having breast pain and I don’t know why. It is really annoying. I really would love to cut the suckers off. I fucking hate them. I was looking at top surgeons and there are none in the Boston area. There was one in Brookline but he won’t see overweight people. I think I am a little ways from having surgery anyway. I want to be on testosterone for a while before I think of surgery. I have no idea if my insurance will cover it or not. I still would love to lose some weight. I really have to control my eating habits and stop eating desserts. It’s hard though because I love desserts and ice cream. I am still eating my lemon lasagna that I made the other day. No one else is eating it so it’s all mine. I usually have a slice for breakfast. Not the best, I know but it’s so good. It’s almost gone and I won’t make another dessert for now.