Author: Midnight Demon

Can’t sleep due to class stuff

I woke up about an hour ago. I had to pee. I woke up from some dream about work and it gave me a headache. The headache is gone now and I decided to work on my paper. It is slow going as I am trying to pull things together.

I am tired but awake. I had a cup of coffee late, after I had dinner. I was hoping it would keep me awake enough to work on the paper but it didn’t. I did my Italian. All I need to do now is come up with a funny story. I can’t think of anything. The depression doesn’t allow for funny things. I have something in mind in which I was a little and I hid in my closet. I don’t know why but I did and my mother lost her mind trying to find me. I thought it was hysterical but it was late at night and I ended up falling asleep in the closet without meaning to. Eventually, I was found. It was funny to me but not my mother!

I start therapy twice this week. My therapist wants to increase the sessions because of my suicidality. She wants to support me. I don’t know how I feel about it. I didn’t ask, it was just offered. We’ll see how it goes. Maybe it will break up the depression some.

I slept for a few hours after I had something to eat. I was hungry. I also had coffee and something more to eat when I got up. My sister made a gravy and the sausages and meatballs were done. They were good. We aren’t having dinner until 330 today because my nephew works the night shift so we figure give him some time to sleep. I haven’t worked on my paper yet. I don’t know what to write anymore. I have until tomorrow to turn it in.

Dinner was good. I ate too much and had too many desserts. My sweet tooth is crazy. I had a cappuccino but I don’t think there is much caffeine in it as I took a nap when I went upstairs. I got a headache now. I am going to write the funny story for the Italian discussion and then work on the paper tomorrow. Or maybe during the night if I can’t sleep again. Who knows.

Got out today

I woke up to pee around 1 and had a difficult time getting back to sleep so was up most of the night. I tried napping but I couldn’t really sleep. I had to leave my house around noon to be at my appt on time.

I sent a message to my pcp as I have been having bladder cramps the past few days. It’s been uncomfortable but I have no pain peeing or fevers. I gave a urine sample and it showed inflammation. I have to wait for the culture to come back to see if I have an infection. I have been drinking fluids to push it out.

I walked all over the hospital today. I didn’t like the pulmonary tests at all. It made me dizzy. They wanted to give me albuterol for one of the tests but I said no and then I was done. I was still wheezing when I came home. I went to the grocery store as I needed half and half. The bus came right on time. I almost slept through my stop.

I haven’t done any school work at all. I did read a chapter. I think I have one left and the epilogue. I need to write my paper and I am panicking. I am also panicking because I haven’t done my Italian. I was wicked tired when I came home today. I tried doing the Italian this morning but the damn word doc wouldn’t open. I don’t know what was wrong with it. I emailed the professor but got no response. I ended up saving it to my drive on my phone and I hope that solves the issue.

I’ve been feeling wicked depressed all day and honestly cannot wait until my date. I want to end this. I don’t know if I will be able to. Things just suck so bad right now and I hate everything.

Lacking energy and motivation

I woke up early in the middle of the night. I couldn’t go back to sleep so stayed up for a little while. I read a chapter in my book. I had every intention to going to campus, maybe even going to the language lab, but the energy bus ran off and I was stranded. I didn’t want to leave my bed. I ended up skipping class. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I have so many things to do and so far I have done nothing. I need to brush my teeth and shower, foremost of anything. I think I am going to do that after I write this blog.

I feel like such a loser. I sent off a grief has no timeline to a dear friend and she wrote back saying that she has breast cancer. I am so devastated. She is my second friend with the disease. I slept most of the afternoon. I just couldn’t get going. I had no motivation to do a damn thing.

I had to place an Amazon order because I needed sharps containers. I hated to do it because of the whole Bezos doesn’t pay taxes and supports Felon but I am disabled and need a quick find when I need something. I need to go grocery shopping and I don’t really know how I am going to go. Tomorrow I have my pulmonary tests. That is going to be an hour. And then I need to walk back through the hospital to go home, though I might end up going to North Station and go grocery shopping there. HA. I just hope I remember this and don’t take the redline home. I still need to go to Square to pick up my meds. I hate that they don’t have delivery anymore.

I am tired. I need to take my night meds and shower. I have no idea what I am going to wear. I usually like picking out my clothes before showering. My laundry wasn’t folded. I just emptied on my bed as my sister put it in a basket and I didn’t have a place to put the basket. I am going to try and see if maybe drinking more fluids helps me have a little more energy. I really haven’t been drinking much besides a few cups of coffee and maybe a soda. I don’t even drink that much when I take my meds. I haven’t been thirsty so drinking has been really hard.