Author: Midnight Demon

Sleepy day

I got into a pain flare last night and couldn’t go to sleep until like 2am. I slept until like 7. I had woken up to pee and then I took my meds. I went back to sleep and then my sister texted me a few times and I got up. She needed someone to talk to the contractors. Apparently they had to redo the siding on my side of the house. It was a bit rainy today but much cooler than it has been. I made something to eat and had coffee. I finished off the pepperoni and cheese that I had. I was still hungry but I didn’t know what to eat. I went up to my room and laid down. I fell asleep for three and a half hours. I had some weird dreams. My sister called me and I had to use the bathroom. I called her back. She wanted to know about the siding. I hadn’t seen it as I just woke up from my nap.

I wanted a cup of coffee and my sister had made a wonton soup. I had that for supper. It was good. I’ve never had wonton soup before. I couldn’t finish the bowl.

I didn’t do anything today. I did do some school stuff that had to be done for financial aid. I also sent a message to my pcp telling her I started taking a magnesium supplement after reading an article about magnesium. I seem to fit the symptoms of hypomagnesium so I am hoping taking it twice a day helps with the spasms and fatigue. I also asked if I could get my mag level when I see her in a couple of weeks to make sure I am not over doing it.

My psychiatrist’s office called this morning to cancel my appointment with him. I was so fucking pissed because it has been almost two and a half months since I saw him. Luckily, I was able to make an appointment with him in two weeks. Unfortunately, I have three appointments that day. His makes four. I have a busy afternoon. I might end up taking a cab home rather than walk to the station, depending on how I feel. I have a cab voucher for it.

Despite sleeping for a few hours, I am still fucking tired. Sox are playing the White Sox in Chicago. They lead 3-0 right now. I’ve been keeping tabs on the game. I don’t feel like listening. I weighed myself and I’ve gained 5 pounds. I don’t like this. I need to do something but I don’t really know what to do. Some days I get really hungry and other days, I eat just one meal a day. I wanted to shave today but never got around to it. I did manage to brush my teeth. Tomorrow I hope I can shower as it has been a few days. My sister said I smell. She is so “nice” to me.

I was hoping to hear back from the therapy place but I still haven’t received a call or text from them. Maybe tomorrow. My anxiety has been bad lately. I couldn’t sleep the other night because I had it in my head that I wouldn’t be able to get out of my room if a fire broke out so I couldn’t sleep. It was so difficult to calm down from that. I can jump out my window if I can’t go down the stairs. I should get a safety ladder or something like it, just in case of emergency.

Too hot to do anything

Today was in the 80s and my room is about the same. I was too hot to do anything today. I made lunch and had three cups of coffee. I woke up early when my med alarm went off. I stayed up for a couple of hours and then took a nap. Had some weird dreams. I got up around 11/12 and had chimichangas with some coffee. I think I am going to have the same dinner as last night, and finish off the pepperoni and cheese. It’s National Cheese Day. I have Colby Jack.

I had wanted to go to the police station today but the heat just made me feel ick. The ballgame played early so I will have the evening free to read. I started a new book that is mindless reading. I like it. It’s a book by Seanan McGuire. It’s ok but I hate when you read something and you already know where it’s going. It’s that kind of reading but you continue to read hoping you’re wrong. Sox beat the Braves 9-0. Pivetta got the win as he was outstanding. Amazing what a little run support can do. He usually sucks and gets nothing for his good work but then loses the game because he gives up the long ball.

I sent the docu-sign thing to the place. It finally allowed me to send it after I finagled it. There were a couple of boxes I had missed so that was why I wasn’t given the option to send. Hopefully I will get an appointment in the next few days. I have to call Mass Rehab for a home care assistant. I don’t know what that is like. My phone anxiety gets in the way of the call. I will try tomorrow. I am tempted to email my case worker. My anxiety has been high the past few days. Last night I was off the fucking wall. I had locked my door so my sister didn’t intrude. She sometimes doesn’t wait for a response when she knocks. So I was having anxiety of the house catching on fire and being trapped in my room because the door was locked. Around midnight I got really thirsty and had to use the bathroom so I did. Then couldn’t really go to sleep so I read for a bit after taking some Benadryl and Ativan. My allergies weren’t really bad but I kept having to clear my throat from post nasal drip. I had already used the flonase. I hate that nothing is really working for this phlegm. I constantly feel like something is in my throat. Yesterday it was bad as I was walking home. I felt like I was choking. It was a similar sensation when something dry gets stuck in my throat and I can’t swallow it but it wasn’t as bad. It is driving me crazy. I see my pcp in 15 days so I will run it by her to see if she can suggest something.

My bank recently upgraded their app. I used to be able to transfer money into my sister’s account to help pay the household bills but now am not seeing the bank as an option. I guess I will have to write her a check from now on. I hate doing it as sometimes I can’t keep track of my expenses.

I need something sweet. I don’t have any cookies or chocolate. I have some Reese’s eggs but I want like an Oreo or something. I’m going to raid my sister’s apartment..

Teenage petulance

My friend in SD just got her copy of my new memoir. She sent a pic with her cat and it was so cute. I love that cat so much. I went out to get a library book that came in for me. A friend on Bluesky recommended a book and I started reading it. It is a short book. I should be finished with it by the end of the week. It is ok. Mindless reading, which is what I need right now. I was reading Who’s afraid of Gender last night and found that the Catholic Church thinks transgender is fiction. Nice. More reason for me to stay away from that denomination.

I came home and had to pee really bad. I just made it to the bathroom. I managed to shave today though I went higher on the sides than I wanted to. One side is higher than the other. A couple of people suggested I shave it off as the bald with a beard look is in. I don’t know because it took so long for the top of my head to grow again and it was painful. I also don’t really like the top short/bald. I almost did take it all off when I fucked up the side. I can only imagine what the back looks like. I didn’t wear a hat when I left the house. I felt naked.

I am really tired. I sent a message to my psychiatrist about feeling this tired and he wants me to bring it up when I see my pcp in a few weeks. Today I tried getting therapy and just got the paperwork to fill out. I have no idea how to save it and then send it back to the person so emailed her again to find out. I hate that I go back and forth between the two when I am fatigued. I never know why I am so tired. I slept ok last night. I should have stayed up but I went back to sleep after I took my meds at 7. I kept dreaming about being back in the lab and wanting to decant so bad. There was someone in heme who was putting things in a centrifuge and was not balancing it right. It was so annoying me. But it was just a dream.

Game is on in like ten minutes. My cousin always seems to call soon as I put it on and then it screwed up the timing of the app. It is already off by a few seconds. I might turn on the radio tonight. I don’t know if I will listen to all nine innings. I feel like if my eyes close for more than a few minutes, I will sleep. I also feel anxious. I don’t know why. I ate pepperoni and cheese for supper, probably not enough calories for the Latuda but I don’t want to make anything else.