Category: depression

I woke up later than I planned as I didn’t sleep well last night. Around 330, I decided to write for a bit. I came to some conclusions that I plan to share with my therapist tomorrow.

I did some self-care today. I managed to brush my teeth and shave. I wanted to read but I feel too restless. I also started a few books and am having a hard time choosing which one to read.

I did my meds. Tomorrow i have to get more half and half. I’ll probably go to the Square and catch the bus to the shopping center. I’ll get Starbucks on the way. I wanted to order it for delivery but you can’t use your Starbucks card in the app. That sucks.

I roasted red potatoes for dinner and put some havarti cheese on it. It was really good. My sister gave me some chili so I couldn’t eat all the potatoes. I’ll have them tomorrow. I didn’t know what else to make.

Last Saturday Blog of 2024

 I got up around 1130 and took my meds. I had weird dreams throughout the night. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and had a hard time getting back to sleep. I had some coffee and then my sister asked if I wanted leftovers from Christmas. I asked if there was ham and there was so I went down. I had a few pieces and some quiche. The quiche was very good. Then I came upstairs and had some more coffee.

My sister said she was going to clean the bathroom so after I finished my coffee, I took a shower. I wanted to shave but I was so tired after showering, I left it. I was out of breath and exhausted. I hate when showers make me so tired. It was like I was doing manual labor or something. I rested on my bed for a while. I was thinking about my grades and wondering what my GPA was so I looked it up. It’s now 2.40. I went through my degree audit to see how many classes I need to take. After next semester, I think I will need like six classes to graduate. I am planning on taking a summer class. I might have to take another one the following summer or fall, depending on how I do with the two classes next semester. There are two 400 level classes I need to take for my degree and I know they will require more time than anything. It’s best if I just take them by themselves so I can concentrate just on that class.

I tried to take a nap but couldn’t rest. My sinuses hurt. I left my room and soon as I hit the cool air of the kitchen, I started sneezing like crazy. Even while I was down my sister’s, I was sneezing. I don’t know if I am getting a cold or if it is allergies. My nose is all stuffy. My sister made supper so I went downstairs again. My niece was there so I was happy to see her. I am so full now.

My cousin is going to hopefully come tomorrow and shave the back of my neck as I can’t see what I am doing and I don’t want to cut myself. I need to go to the store and get more Nyquil. I am out. The price has gone up. It’s now almost $14 a bottle. Crazy. Used be able to get two for that price. I still feel depressed. I haven’t done anything to clean my bed or room for that matter. I have no motivation to do it. I keep seeing on Facebook someone’s messy room because they are depressed and then they have a clean room because they got help or a study or whatever. Bullshit. I’ve never had a clean room. I can’t stand it. It’s an organized mess. I know where everything is, unless I forgot where I put something. I hate when I put things “where I’ll remember” because I never do.

Depressed and not caring

I didn’t want to get up today but my bladder made me. I couldn’t go back to sleep so I got up. I took my meds and then made coffee. I had three cups and some leftover ham from Christmas. I need a shower but can’t bring myself to take one. I just want to sleep or lay down. I am sort of suicidal. I am just hopeless that this depression is ever going to leave me.

I didn’t do anything today and I don’t care. I had oatmeal for dinner because I didn’t know what else to have. I never went out and I am out of Nyquil and Benadryl. I feel like reading a suicide book. It’s been so long and writing that paper has really left a gap in my reading. I need something academic.

I have been listening to Taylor. She is the only person I want to hear right now. I was listening to my other country artists but went to Taylor after a friend sent me a card about all too well. I have been listening to the “Taylor’s version” of her music. Maybe tomorrow I will shower if my mood is better.

Day at RMV

I left my house around 130pm and didn’t get home till after 5pm. I had to get bloodwork done so went to my hospital lab. It wasn’t busy so I was in and out faster than I expected. I took the shuttle to the station where the RMV was. I was early so I stayed at the station a bit. I didn’t feel like reading even though I brought a book. I went to the station that was near the RMV and found that it was under construction. I didn’t know which way to go so I was glad I was early. Luckily the crosswalk was right at the street where I had to go. I still had to wait like fifteen minutes. I signed in. The documents I had were old so I had to print new ones. They had to verify my birth certificate so I was waiting a long time. Finally everything was set. I paid and got the temporary license. I can still use my current one. I only been trying to do this all year.

My sister had texted me that she needed something. I came home and went up to my room to get it and then came back down only to go back up again. I was out of breath and thirsty. I decided to rest before eating. I am tired and hungry. I plan on having the leftover lo mein I bought the other day. I had some ham for lunch today. I also had Starbucks. I didn’t have anything to eat because I wasn’t hungry.

My blood work came back. Everything is normal. I was hoping the clinic would call me today for an appointment but they didn’t. I will call tomorrow. I am not planning on going out. I renewed my pass for the month. I use the T a lot when I go to Eastie. I see my therapist Monday virtually but I am sure in the new year I will be going there. I can’t decide if in person is better than virtual.

Last night I checked my grades, again. I am happy to see that my hard work has paid off. I got a B-!! Take that migraines! Best present ever! I was so sure I was going to get a C+. I am glad the extra credit paid off. I am still disappointed I didn’t get a better grade on my paper. All because of her damn rubrics and shit. Ugh. I am never taking this professor again. Hopefully I won’t have to. I think I just have one or two 400 level classes to take and I will be done with my major requirements. The rest are just degree requirements, humanities and shit. I am going to try and take the 400 level history of psychology class over the summer. It will depend if I get money after financial aid next semester. I still haven’t figured out how to pay for my books. I’ll finagle something.