Category: depression

Book has been submitted!!

My friend got back to me late last night but I had already gone to bed. I got her messages this morning and after I finished my first cup of coffee, I went to work on loading what she had done. We both played with the stupid formatting and after her 5^th try, we got it to work. I submitted the book. Now I just need to wait for it to be approved. I am thinking it will take a few hours from now before the link is live. I have been trying to wait patiently but I am nervous. I am going to keep a spreadsheet about how many books I sell this time around. Last time I just had an estimate that around 100 books were sold for my first memoir.

I slept ok last night. I woke up around 645 to pee and was able to take my meds and back to sleep. I still woke up around 1030, which is fine. I plan on showering today but I haven’t got the energy to do it just yet. I need to shave my head today and brush my teeth. I had a frozen dinner for lunch. I plan on having Ben and Jerry’s for dinner. I really want a burger but I don’t have any. I haven’t left the house yet. I wanted to go to Starbucks today but I got so hot and sweaty just sitting in my kitchen that I said the hell with it. It’s like 80 degrees today. I hate the fucking heat. We seem to have moved past spring and into summer weather. I need to clear the area where my AC is so my Brother in law can put my AC in. I cleared some space for my clothes yesterday. I am doing little things each day so that it gets done even though it looks like nothing right now.

I placed some things on FB to sell but stupid FB won’t recognize my name as my first name so I can’t ship things. Assholes. I have been playing my ERAS playlist because Taylor always puts me in a good mood. I got my rings out today and wore them. I just felt like being fancy. I don’t wear them often. I usually just wear my watch. It’s the only jewelry I really wear. I have a bracelet that an aunt gave me for my high school graduation but I never wear it.

I hate the damn heat. I am sweating so bad. The ceiling fan is providing some cooling and the temp is going down. I just shaved my head. I have been waiting the last three hours for the link but I don’t think it will happen today.

Memorial Day 2024

Last night after I showered, I snoozed for a bit. I didn’t get up till around 9 to day my night meds. Then I was up till 3am. I started reading a new book called Who’s Afraid Of Gender? And it sucked me in for a couple of hours. I slept for a while and took my morning meds but I don’t remember the time. I ended up going back to bed to sleep for a few. I decided I really didn’t want to get up. I had to use the bathroom so I did and brushed my teeth afterwards.

My cousin texted me. I had told him the Os were going to kill the Sox and they did. They are leading 11-3 in the 9^th. I am glad it isn’t a shut out. I didn’t know the game was so early in the day. I am glad I missed it.

It’s cool today but I am topless. I don’t think I will be doing anything today but staying in bed and reading. I might sort through some clothes and put them somewhere. Mostly they are winter clothes anyway.

Tiring Sunday

I woke up around 5 with allergies so bad I had to take a Benadryl. I went back to sleep for a few hours and just had the sheet on me. I woke up drenched in sweat. I need to take a shower but it has been a day. I forgot that I ordered my groceries. Around the time I finally had motivation to shower, the delivery was on its way so I couldn’t. I went up and down the stairs so many times that by 2pm I was exhausted and I only been up for four hours. I rested for a bit. I went up and down a few more times. My niece made pasta salad and my sister made a burger which I was craving. I had wanted to go to the butcher shop to get some burgers but still haven’t gone.

I have a shit ton of books to read. I bought the Principles of Psychology and it is a textbook. It will be my summer read. I honestly don’t know what to do with myself now that classes have ended. I fired my therapist so I no longer have therapy right now.  I see my DMH case worker this week. Today has been a rough day. For some reason, I got really angry when I got fatigued. Like I just wanted to yell at someone. Then I just got sad and wished I was fucking dead. All because I didn’t have the energy to shower. I have been sweating all day so I stink on top of my stink. I don’t remember the last time I showered but it has been a few days. My allergies are just making me miserable. I have a knot of phlegm in my throat that I can’t swallow or cough up. I keep clearing my throat and it is so irritated. I have been bad at drinking fluids today. I did drink some water but not a good amount.

I want to go to Starbucks because they have a macadamia nut syrup that is awesome. I want to have an iced latte with it. Their cold brew is delicious but I don’t like the foam, which is flavored macadamia nut. It’s like whipped cream and though I do like it on desserts, I don’t like it for my coffees or lattes. I used flonase today to try and help this congestion. I also took a Sudafed but nothing is helping except the Benadryl which just makes me sleepy. I don’t want to get used to it otherwise it won’t help me sleep. I plan on taking some tonight, again. It really dries me up.

I have been using a bird app to ID the birds that have been chirping. There was a white-breasted Nuthatch that was just heard outside my room. I don’t know where these birds are as there really isn’t that many trees in the back of the house. There used to be but we cut them down. They were dying anyways from neglect or disease, I’m not sure. The yard was a complete mess like the rest of the house when we first moved in.

Part of the stress with the shower, was that my sister took the curtain down to wash it and hasn’t put it back up yet, so I would have to go to the first floor to shower. It just stressed me out because of the stairs. But my sister took a shower so now I know it is up and running again. I am going to trim my armpit hairs as they are long. I might take my beard off. I am not sure yet. But I know I am going to try and shower today.

Saturday Blog 25052024

I finally emptied my bed and changed the sheets. I am washing my comforter and it is in the dryer as we speak. Don’t really need it as it is hot as hell in my room. It’s another hot one today. I can’t wait to put in the AC. I need to clear that space. I also need to shower as I have been sweating like crazy. I am tired and I need to rest my back for a bit before I do that.

My Sox are imploding. Pivetta is pitching and he just got slammed. Brewers lead 5-0 right now. I am not happy. I can’t stand Nick. He is a better reliever than starter. But the Sox don’t have too many arms. Two pitchers are out for surgery and it is not likely Whitlock will return this season. We were already down a pitcher when the season began. Management never got us one so now we are suffering. The O’s won today so I think we might be headed for last place again if we aren’t already there.

Allergies are bad today. My nose hasn’t stopped running and I haven’t stopped sneezing. I just placed my grocery order. I need to have my drinks and water. I will have to reschedule my dentist appointment again. I feel so tired. I got up around 1 maybe? I don’t remember but I know I took my meds late. My sinuses hurt so bad. Post nasal drip is awful. I keep clearing my throat and it is getting irritated. I feel miserable.