Category: depression

Grades are in, sort of

I got my score on my exam 4 and it is 87. I don’t need to take the final but I am going to, to see if I can improve my exam 2 grade. Right now I have an 86 avg. I am pretty happy with this. I am still going to study. Weather is going to be shitty on Tues but there won’t be shuttles so that is good. Only thing is, it is later in the afternoon so I won’t be getting home till late. I think I will get Thai food on the way home so I can celebrate the end of the semester.

Today is mother’s day and it has been so hard. My childhood friend lost her mother this morning. She had been in a car accident and wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. I hope she is at peace now. I have been praying for her and my friend. She has been through so much. She is my childhood crush. She doesn’t know it though. I have been thinking of my mother and my BFFL’s mother. I miss them both. I have been staying off of Facebook because it has been triggering sadness. I miss my mother so much.

I made the Shepard’s pie, which my niece called Cottage pie as it isn’t made with lamb. I don’t particularly care for lamb. I want a cup of coffee but it’s almost 5pm and I know I will regret it if I have one. I just want something hot. Maybe I will make a cup of cocoa.

Sox won. It was another day game so I have my night free to do whatever. Last night, I went to bed early as by 7 I was so exhausted. I woke up around 3 to pee but was able to get back to sleep. I had weird dreams. I got up around 9 to pee again and I thought about staying up but my sister was doing stuff in the kitchen and I didn’t want to be near her. I made that mistake last night and all she did was bitch.

I have a pretty busy week. I have therapy tomorrow and Thurs I see my surgeon for a follow up. Sat I am meeting someone for the first time. It should be fun. I might go to Starbucks tomorrow. I am needing espresso. Coffee doesn’t really wake me up like it used to. I had two cups and now I feel like taking a nap. But I know if I have one late enough, it keeps me awake. Weird.

Did all the things I planned on doing

Last night before I fell asleep, I thought a vague idea of doing all that needed to be doing today. Trouble was, I woke up at 0030 and it took forever for me to get back to sleep. I didn’t think I would do anything, much less wake up and get up before 12. I managed to get up around 1030 because my bladder had to be emptied. I then took my meds and had some coffee. Then I brushed my teeth and shaved my head. I went back to my room to check the bus schedule and get dressed. Bus would be there in like a half hour so I took my time deciding what to wear. It was cool out so I decided to wear my sweatpants. I didn’t wear a jacket or long-sleeve shirt. The wind made things chilly but bearable.

My first stop was to get my meds in the Square. I thought about going to Starbucks but I really didn’t want another coffee. I got my meds and then went into Boston to drop off a urine sample. I asked my doc to check to see if I have a UTI as the urgency has been a problem. I then left to go out of Boston to pick up my glasses. I love my new glasses. They aren’t transitions but that is ok. I will wear them for when I am at the house and not going outside.

It took like two hours to get there and back. Then I decided to go to the grocery store and get some stuff for Shepard’s pie. I was starving as I hadn’t eaten anything but there was cake and it was supposed to be buy one get one free but when I rang it up, it wasn’t that way. So I just had the one slice. I figure I would have it with the leftover pizza from yesterday. I was on my way home when my pcp called me. My urine results were positive for infection so she sent a script for an antibiotic. Culture won’t be back until Sunday and honestly I am surprised as I didn’t think it would show anything. I’ll pick up the antibiotic tomorrow.

I came home and ate. Put the stuff away. And now I am resting. Game is on tonight but I don’t know if I will listen as I am wicked tired. I was out for nearly four and a half hours. I am so beat. If my step counter is correct, I did over 6K. That is a lot of walking. The only thing that sucks is that I forgot to buy gravy for the Shepard’s pie. I also want to get turkey for sandwiches. Maybe I will have my brother in law take me tomorrow.

I need to study for the final. I don’t think I will be doing any studying today as I am so tired. Grades haven’t been posted on exam 4 yet. Maybe this weekend it will come through. If I got a good grade on it, I won’t take the final. I am happy where I stand right now.

Feeling out of sorts

I woke up today and did not want to get out of bed. My body just was not having it. I cancelled my grocery store trip with my cousin. I stayed in bed till 130 or so. I got up to have coffee and something to eat. I just had one cup of coffee. Sox aren’t playing tonight so that is all I will have. I need to go out tomorrow to get my glasses and meds. Allergies have been off the hook today. I have been sneezing and my eyes have been watering.

I have been going over the keys for the final. Exam 3 was just posted. I don’t know if I want to take the final or not. I am studying for it anyway. There is a lot of information to go over.

I am wicked tired. I ordered pizza because I felt like it. I am out of ice cream. I think tomorrow I will go to the square to pick up my meds and then go get my glasses. That is the plan for now. I am tired just thinking about it. I feel so depressed. It’s Mother’s day weekend and I keep thinking about my mother. I hate this weekend.