Had therapy today. We did EMDR and I got wicked tired afterwards. My brain is mush. I also feel a lot more depressed. I’ve been trying to do the dishes but I have no energy. I’m glad I had leftovers because cooking seems too big of a task. Hate when I get like this. I managed a shower today but didn’t shave. It was one or the other and I chose to shower as it had been more than a week since my last one. Just planning on resting tonight.
I’m exhausted trying to be stronger than I feel. This is so true. It’s so hard trying to act like you’re fine when you aren’t. Like Taylor says, I might be fine but I’m not ok.
Today is my nephew’s birthday and he turns 21. Love this kid.
I spent the night in the ED instead of with my cousins because I had chest pain for two days. I had some EKG changes they were worried about so wanted to do a CT of my heart but it was only done during the day shift. I slept a little but not enough. The nurse tried to wake me up while I was snoozing but I stayed asleep. I don’t know why she wanted to wake me. I was uncomfortable as I had an IV in one arm and the blood pressure cuff on the other. The CT was normal and I was discharged home. I immediately went to Starbucks for coffee and something to eat.
I came home and my sister took us to the cemetery to see if the Stone was placed. It wasn’t. All the rain caused the cemetery to be swamp like as there were bugs everywhere. Snails and slugs too. I said my respects then headed for the car. I was tired of swatting at flies. Now we are going shopping and I’m bored. I have my Mac and cheese and my chicken casserole to eat. I’m not really hungry but could use another coffee. I Will make a cup when I get home.
I’m pretty tired. I want to shower as I haven’t all week. I bought some new soap to try and entice me to shower more. It’s a Dove men’s soap. I like Dove products. I use their exfoliating bar. I shaved yesterday so I won’t really have to until tomorrow. I am so damn tired. Hope I can sleep tonight.
Would you still like me when I am nothing new
I am feeling really tired today. It took a lot to get out of bed. I had to pick up my meds and drop off what I made to my barber. I wasn’t expecting it to be cold and rainy today. My back acted up. I could barely straighten out and walk. I made coffee and then I brushed my teethed and shaved. I was up for only an hour before I left the house and already I wanted to just go back to bed to sleep.
I was expecting to feel better when I left the house but with each step, things got harder. I rested at the bus stop. My barber had a customer when I got there. I should have brought a book with me but I wasn’t thinking that far ahead. I got my meds and then went to Starbucks for my coffee and something to eat. They have this potato, sausage, bacon, egg and cheese wrap that is really good. I rested while I ate it. It took everything I had to make it back home. I stopped at the store to get some new soap. I need a shower but it won’t be today.
My shower mat finally got delivered today. I hope it isn’t the size of the box because it will be smaller than it needs to be. I haven’t opened the box yet. I will do it tomorrow. I need to rest as I am wicked tired. My CRPS foot is acting up. I might have to take pain meds early today. I am hoping with some rest my pain settles down. I tried putting shit in the kitchen away but my legs were hurting me so much. I still haven’t folded my clothes that I washed the other day.
I have been having some chest discomfort the past few days. It feels like something heavy is on me. I sent a message to my pcp about it. I think it is just post op stuff. I am six months post op as of yesterday. My ribs are also hurting me. I don’t know why today I am in so much fucking pain. I just want to nap.
midnightdemons7 
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