Category: depression

Day 1 post op Top surgery

I had a good couple of hours sleep during the morning. I was up every few hours as I had to take meds and empty my drains. The right side had a lot of drainage during the night. I don’t know how much because the stupid cups don’t really have the CCs on it. I can barely make it out. I am tired today so will just take it easy. I had a long wait in the pre op area. Surgery was scheduled at 1 but they case before me was difficult so I didn’t go in the OR until 4pm. I got home around 930pm. I am sore and in pain but doing ok otherwise.

I have some of my favorite movies out so I might watch them today. I am just going to take it easy. I am not as fatigued as I thought I would be so that is good. I am moving around. It is nice out so I might go on the porch for a little bit.

My mother is sleeping right now. She had her breakfast and then went back to bed. She usually does this. She is not as congested today, thank god.

I only had one cup of coffee so far today. I had breakfast. I had bought some breakfast sandwiches so that I can make something quick. It is a brand I didn’t buy before but it is good. I bought sausage and plain egg and cheese. They are in pita pockets. It is good.

I hope the week goes by fast. I am already not liking the compression vest. LOL It is tight but now too tight. Just not very comfortable. I keep coughing up some phlegm from the breathing tube. Not a lot but it is irritating my throat. Might have to use some cough drops later if it gets to much just to soothe it.

I am glad my aunt isn’t coming over today. She has a doctor’s appointment. I don’t know if the drama aunt will be coming over today. It is nice out so she might. I don’t think she knows I had surgery. I know I didn’t tell her. Going to go for a nap now. I am getting tired.

Therapy and a slight scare

I woke up early, like 6am early. I had to pee and I just decided to stay up. I had a cup of coffee around 830 and then went to my room to set up zoom for advising. I had to register with my google email through my UMB email. It was so stupid. I finally got it going and logged on. I met a new professor in the psych department. She cleared my hold and I canceled the other person’s advising appointment.

I then had therapy. It went okay. I talked about my anxieties and sadness. I told her it has been a few weeks now that I have been feeling sad and she said it was ok to feel that way. That my feelings, whatever they were, were valid. I just wasn’t to act on them.

My cousins and aunts came over around the same time. We had lunch on them. It was a good outing though I was in a kind of stupor. I was sitting next to the drama aunt and had to listen to all the fricken stories all over again. My niece made fun of me but I didn’t care. I really just wanted to be in my room and try and nap. I was so damn tired but I already had like three cups of coffee and didn’t want to have anymore for fear of getting anxious. Around 1330, I received a call from the surgeon’s office saying that they needed more imaging done on my breast and could I come in at 1500. I said yes. I quickly got dressed as I wanted to leave around 2 so I could be there. I said my goodbyes and left.

I was worried about this so when I got to the bus stop, I looked in my chart and there was the mammogram report, finally. It said there was a mass in my left breast and needed more imaging. I was freaking out. I had no idea if this would delay my surgery or not. I didn’t know if this was malignant or not. I didn’t tell anyone but my online friends. My sisters had enough to worry about with my mother. I had the imaging done and it turned out to be lymph nodes. I guess mine had formed a mass in my breast. Well bye bye. Surgeon’s office called while I was on the train home and after I said it was okay, she said my time had been moved to the afternoon. I now didn’t have to be at the hospital till 1100 for a 1300 case, which means I won’t be home till 8 pm or later.

When I got to the Square, I picked up my prescriptions. I was really starting to get tired. I still need to shower but I think I will do that tomorrow morning. I also have to shave. I hope that I don’t fucking wake up in the middle of the night again. I need to sleep. I hope my nerves don’t keep me up tonight. I can’t have anything to eat or drink after 10pm. Not having my morning coffee is going to be rough.