Category: depression

Today has been a difficult day. My mom’s sugar was low and even though we stabilized her sugar, it took a lot out of her. She became lathargic and has continued to be out of it. We called the hospice nurse who came the house to assess her. My mother just basically was passed out. She was adamant about not going to the hospital though. We are just trying to keep her comfortable right now.

I am doing better with pain. I emptied my drains this morning and kind of pulled on the left that hurt. It has been uncomfortable since. I’ve been taking pain meds to ease the discomfort as the ibuprofen did nothing. I am still having a lot of drainage on my right side. The left is about 20 cc whereas the right is about 50. It needs to be 30 or below in order for the drains to come out. I hope they can come out Monday.

Sox are losing. Sale gave up three home runs. It hasn’t been a good day. The weather is at least better than it was this morning.

I feel sad about my mother’s condition. I know it is just going to continue to go downhill. It is hard to see. I wish there was something more I could do for her but there really isn’t. The end of her life is near. It is upsetting. I just hope I can get my “kids” through this. My nephew was really upset and it was hard to see him cry. I wish I could take the hurt away.

I finished the Adler book I was reading. It was a good book. Now I am going to start a memoir called Committed about a psychiatry resident’s story. I like reading memoirs. The style of writing is always different.

I am hurting today. Left side hurts. Surgeon’s office called. Gave me more pain meds. They want me to come in on Monday if my drainage is better. Still having a lot of fluid. I am tired today. I had a difficult time getting to sleep.

My aunts came over and talked non-sense. Really annoyed me. Then they gave my mother something to eat and was trying to sort out the insulin. Fucking fuck. My mother didn’t eat all of what they gave her, just a little bit. I knew she wasn’t going to eat the whole thing. Her appetite isn’t that great.

I am trying not to fall asleep. I am just resting on my bed. I might finish the Adler book I am reading. I think I have a chapter left. I should finish it sometime today. I don’t know what I am going to read after this book. Might be a baseball book. I haven’t decided.

I am not feeling well today. I feel so tired and blah. I am having pain and not sure what to do about it. I’ve taken ibuprofen and pain meds and tylenol. It has helped. I wish I was a little more alert. I just feel sluggish. I don’t feel sick, just run down. My right foot keeps cramping up on me when I lay down. I don’t know why. Aggravating me. Need to massage it or something.

I haven’t had a bowel movement since Monday. I might have to take miralax to get going. I just hope I can wipe myself. I am kind of restricted in my movement due to the vest. I also have bad pain on the left side when I move my arm or turn so I need to be careful. Just sucks.

Day 2 post op top surgery

I slept pretty good, about six hours from 3 to 9am. I had a hard time getting comfortable. I didn’t take any meds and woke up really sore. I just took Tylenol but in the afternoon, I had to take the pain meds. I was just in too much pain. I emptied the dishwasher and that wore me out. I am not having a good day today. It hurts to move my left arm or side. It is really painful.

I met with my psychiatrist today. It went ok. We talked about recovery and my mother. He didn’t want to increase the Effexor so we are staying at the current dose, which is fine with me. I see him in a few weeks from now to go over things again. I told him I was really sad about things. I am happy about my surgery but I still feel sad.

Sox had opening day today. They lost. They are off tomorrow and resume playing Saturday against the Orioles. They haven’t won an opening day game in such a long time. It is disappointing.

I washed up and changed my clothes today. I noticed some bruises on my chest from surgery. It wasn’t painful so I think it will be ok. I am still draining stuff. I don’t know when the stuff will stop. Hopefully by Tues when they are to come out.

I feel sleepy today. I tried to nap but couldn’t get comfortable. I hope I will be able to keep my therapy appointment on Monday. It is going to be a long 45 minutes sitting up. I was able to watch a movie so I think I will be ok. Least I hope I will be.