Category: depression

Met with dietitian today

I woke up really late today. I got up around 2. I had my coffee and biscuits. I had like an hour before I had my appointment. I wish I didn’t sleep so late as I wanted to pick up my meds. Now I will have to go tonight or tomorrow.

I had the meeting with the dietitian and she asked what I had for each meal. It was hard because sometimes I just have one meal a day and that is all. She said that I should have something every 4-5 hours and to increase my water intake by half a liter. I am going to add some cheese to my grocery order.

My mother made flounder for dinner. It is a fish we normally don’t eat. I didn’t like it. It takes like flour. I had some red potatoes with it. It was ok.

I don’t think I will be going out. I am kind of tired. I hate when I sleep past noon as then I feel tired all day.

I met with my psychiatrist yesterday. We talked about ketamine. He is putting in the referral for it. They had some questions about past medication experiences. The first question was have I experienced psychosis. I have and I hope that isn’t going to go against me. It is controlled right now with meds. Part of me wants to stop it to see if I will be psychotic again. But I also know that if I do, the medication won’t work as well when I restart it. I hate that in this sense I am dependent on the medication. He said that he will send a message to my therapist about starting ketamine. I am a little nervous about it. If it works, it could also help my pain.

I had to go to the bathroom and after I did my business, I brushed my teeth. I am on a four day streak right now. Hope I am able to keep it up.

Sox are playing tonight against the Blue Jays. I’m half interested and half just want to sleep. I have been slowly losing interest in my Sox. Depression has just gotten so damn bad. Most days all I think about is death. There is a webinar that Jobes is putting on about futures. I think I am going to go to it. It might help the depression. Seeing Jobes always makes me happy. I look up to him so much.

Late day for me

I woke up around 2pm and got up. I had woken up a few times during the night and had oatmeal at like 3am because I was hungry. But I didn’t have any bad dreams. It is much to hot to do anything. I had made a burger in the hot kitchen while I had my coffee. It wasn’t my ideal beverage but I needed coffee. As I was cleaning up I noticed a water trail on the counter. I think the 2.5 gal of water is leaking so I put the spout over the sink. Not sure if that is where the water is coming from but just to be safe.

I don’t have anything planned today. I have no appointments. Tomorrow I see my psychiatrist. Hopefully he will have more information for me about ketamine. I also need a refill on Ativan. I am going to ask if he will pick up the prescription for the Pristiq. My neuro was prescribing it but she has left.

I am going to try and shower today. It is way too hot to get dressed in the bathroom so I will just wrap a towel around me and go up to my room. I also need to brush my teeth as I haven’t done so yet. I really want to get back to sleep. I don’t feel like doing anything. I got really depressed last night. Pain was really bad. I had gone to the bathroom and had trouble coming back up to my room. My ankle had said no after a few steps. I hate when it goes out on me. If I ever win the lottery, I want a one level apartment with no stairs.

Today is T shot day. I just remembered so gave myself the shot. I am stocked for the next few shots as my doc gave me three vials. I won’t have to have a refill till Sept or so. I have to go for blood work in a few weeks. I have it in my calendar. I don’t have a lot of appointments in Aug. I had ortho but I canceled it because my shoulder pain has been better since getting the cortisone shots. I haven’t tried weight lifting yet. I have been lazy to get the weights. I also don’t want another thing on my bed. I have to start clearing things off as I want to change my sheets again. Such an ordeal. I don’t know how things accumulate so much.

Did I mention I hate summer?

Omg today is hot and I had to go out to get my meds. It is no longer just a quick down the street walk since I changed pharmacies. I got a frappucino after I got my meds. Starbucks now has paper straws and I hate them. I usually order an iced drink so I can drink without a straw as they now have drinkable lids. But you can’t drink a frapp without a straw. I got their new mocha cookie frapp and it was good. A lot of cookie chunks. I think I would have been happier with my java chip frap that I usually get.

I pretty much slept through the night for the first time in forever. I woke up at 5 but went back to sleep afterwards. I didn’t stay up. I got up around 9 and made coffee. I didn’t eat anything. I went back to my room and called the pharmacy to see when my meds would be ready. Then I laid down and realized I didn’t take my meds yet. Oops. I had to take them with water because I had just brushed my teeth.

My mother had my burger for lunch so now I don’t have dinner. If she had told me, I would have taken the other burgers out and they might have been defrosted by now. Oh well. I will probably have cereal later. I just had the rest of the spinach she made. She also made squash but she put hot stuff in it and my stomach doesn’t like it even if my mouth does.

My pcp’s office called me. Apparently I sent them two copies of the advance directives instead of two different sheets. I had kept the top copies and mailed the bottom ones. Oops. I will mail the correct sheet tomorrow. It will give me something to do. I had to take off my shirt as it was soaking wet with sweat. I hate summer because I sweat so bad. I am just glad it isn’t humid. Tomorrow is supposed to reach 96 degrees. I will hopefully mail the letter in the morning before it gets too hot, but then it was 80 when I was having my coffee.

I am hot and have a headache. I got the AC on the lowest setting but I had it turned off while I was out getting my meds. My room got hot. I only had the spinach and a yogurt to eat. Kitchen is really hot so I don’t want to go back downstairs. I am also tired. My ankle is starting to flare up. Feels like there is a knife right in the joint. I hate this feeling. Totally depresses me. The more I try and walk around the more I hurt. Stairs are still a killer for me. I got stuck today as I got home. I must have went up like 4 steps and my ankle was like nope. No more. Took me a little while to go the rest of the way. All Star game tonight. I might check the scores now and then but don’t plan on paying that much attention to it. I just plan on reading my book.