Category: depression

Love story on repeat

I am in a Taylor Swift mood so I am listening to my favorite song of hers, Love Story. I have it on repeat. I just love this song and it never gets old for me. I have listened to it hundreds of times.

I took my walk to the pharmacy today. 1326 steps. I will take it. It isn’t completely accurate as any jingle of my phone will cause the steps to increase even if I am not walking. I just take it as a rough estimate of how many steps I took. I got dizzy on the way back. I could be dehydrated so I drank some Gatorade when I came home. I will continue drinking it throughout the day. It is warm today, totally gorgeous. I wore shorts for the first time this year.

I had a rough night with pain. My shoulder has flared up and I am not sure what to do about it. I have been taking my breakthrough meds because that is the only thing that has been helping me. I had a burger for dinner followed by a banana. I usually don’t eat bananas because I am picky about their ripeness but the ones we have right now are my perfect ripeness so I can eat them.

Today is the first day in two weeks that I haven’t been peeing every two hours. I also don’t have pain on urination so maybe whatever I had is finally out of my system. I have been drinking like crazy, at least two bottles of Gatorade a day to flush out my system. It has been hard because I usually just drink one bottle a day. The urinary pain med my doc prescribed wasn’t covered by my insurance. Sucked because I had to pay for it again.

It’s getting to be the hour where I feel really tired and sleepy. I just took my Latuda early because I ate. You are supposed to have at least 350 calories when taking the Latuda and I usually don’t eat when I take it. Just trying to see if there is a difference. I am sure I will be sleepy by the time the game starts. I want to listen to the game tonight so I hope I can push through the sleepiness.

My whole left leg is bothering me today and I don’t know why. The hamstring, knee, calf, and ankle all hurt. Pain is driving me up the fucking wall. Stretching it hasn’t helped. I am getting so frustrated because the hamstring hurts nearly every day no matter how much I stretch it. Maybe I am over stretching it. When I see my PT I will ask her about it. I have PT next week. I rescheduled my vaccination shot because I had too much going on after the shot and if I had side effects from it I wouldn’t be able to attend my engagements. I am seeing the surgeon next week for hysterectomy. I am kind of nervous about it but it needs to be done.

Still locked out of Twitter

I am still locked out of Twitter and I miss my account very much. I talked about this in therapy. She just said that my addiction needs a fix. HAHA. I miss my account so much. The second acct that I set up isn’t doing it for me. I sent another email to Twitter support and am still waiting to hear back.

I had therapy today. I talked about the abuse my mother did to me but in general terms. I didn’t get into specifics. I couldn’t. I thought I was ready to but I am not. She wanted me to discuss my feelings and I couldn’t even do that. I was just a jumble of emotion. I had a couple memories come up while we were talking.

I haven’t showered yet or left the house to mail my name change thing. I need to send for official copies of my name change document so I can renew my passport. I also need to go to the pharmacy to get some urinary pain meds as I am out. I still haven’t received a call from uro about treatment. I sent a message but haven’t heard back. I am hurting still when I pee. I told my therapist that I had to be a strict 4-6 hour schedule. I am still struggling to follow it. Some days are easier than others but with this infection it is throwing me off because the urge to pee is frequent due to the infection. I just left another message with a nurse. This is ridiculous.

After therapy, I was tired and tried to nap but couldn’t. I just rested. I keep thinking about how Mother’s day is coming up and I am thinking of getting a card for my mother but I know it isn’t going to say what I really feel on it. Just be some sappy bullshit instead. I hate mother’s day more than any other holiday. It always creates this tension.

Nurse finally got back to me. My antibiotic has been called in. I just have to pick it up and I am tired and don’t want to go out. The time for napping is coming. Every day between 1700 and 1900 I get really sleepy. It’s a real struggle to stay awake. Maybe a walk would be good for me. It’s cooler out now. I hopefully won’t sweat as much. I still need to shower. Might do that tomorrow as I need to trim my beard as well.

This pic was my viral pic. It got 5,000 likes. I am proud of this. Got it from https://shopdinosaur.com/

I’ve been having Twitter app problems since twitter installed fleek, its 24hr story thing, on one of its updates. Since then, the app has been freezing causing me to close it to get it to work again. Yesterday was all the time I logged on so decided to uninstall/reinstall. That went great until I got logged out of Twitter. I have a 2 factor verification and I haven’t received a text message. So I contacted support as I couldn’t access the back up codes. For some reason once I was logged out on my phone, my laptop logged me out too. I miss my Twitter buddies. If any of my Twitter buddies want to get in touch with me I created a new account @ midnightdemon75.

I had groceries delivered today. I have been exhausted because no one told me a side effect of the vaccine was insomnia. I was up from 1am Friday till around 2100 last night. I woke up and just wanted to stay in bed and would have if I didn’t have my grocery delivery. I am so exhausted it isn’t funny. My CRPS pain has flared up. I’ve been in pain since yesterday. Had to take gabapentin for the burning pain yesterday. And that still didn’t knock me out.

I got a UTI. I didn’t have symptoms of it till today. Every time I pee it hurts so bad. I took a urinary pain med so I haven’t been going so often. I got to wait till Mon to get treated for the sensitivities to come back. They should be back by now but it’s the weekend so no one is going to call me. I am not happy about this because my treatment for a UTI by the uro team has always been delayed. I just hope it doesn’t spread to my kidneys by Monday. Then I will really be sick.

I’m starting to nod off so I will stop here for now.