Pain sucks no matter how you slice it

Since yesterday at 6 am I have been in pain with my ankle/foot, all due to the lovely nerve condition I have called cauda equina syndrome. I have the risidual effects of it and it sucks. No doctor can do anything about it and I’m going insane. So seeing as I can’t do anything about it until maybe my pain meds kick in, I’m blogging about it.
Being in pain for the past 24 hrs sucks. I couldn’t wash the dishes in the sink, can’t shower, couldn’t go to my cousin’s graduation party today all because I had crappy sleep and am in a really bitchy mood. I’m usually an ok person but lately I have been getting more and more pissed off about anything that is said the wrong way or looks the wrong way (and I don’t know what way is right by the way). I just know I am hurting and no doctor cares that I am in pain 24/7. Sure I have a lot of friends that care and would love to see me not suffer as much but other than soothing my aloneness, they really can’t help the gnawing, aching, bursting bouts of pain that I get. It is no longer nerve pain because my dear friend neurontin would happily take care of it. Nope it is a physical pain that requires the use of narcotic agents that everyone says is bad and addicting. Here is where people go wrong between addiction and chronic pain. See those with chronic pain rarely abuse their narcs nor do they get high off of them. If they do, they probably are not in the type of pain they think they are in. Addicts seek out pain meds to get high. They don’t have pain they just need something to take their jones away and always require higher levels of meds do it in. I am in the chronic pain categrory and I can tell you I rarely take more than 4 pills a day. But seeing as it has been almost 48 hrs without relief, I’m going to take my 5th pill of the day to get some relief I hope. Because of I don’t get any relief soon, I know the psychosis is going to start and then things are really going to go bad. Mostly the psychosis is because I am under a great deal of stress and being in chronic pain is a huge stressor.
Sadly before this condition I thought being in physical pain was better than psychache. But it is not. True there are analgesics to help ease the physical pain but not when it goes on for hours on end. The only time I can get some relief is if I don’t move my foot/ankle at all. See there is a muscle/tendon that I’m constantly inflamming and it is why I have this pain. It is called in medical terms the peroneous brevis and longus muscle and tendons that are hurting me. Again all because of nerve injury because I have ankle weakness which causes fatigue which then leads me to walking whatever way I want to keep walking or going up and downstairs. I hate it but nothing can be done about. No surgery, no injection, nothing. Nothing even shows up on an xray or mri but that is where the pain is or is it along the S1 dermatome? I don’t know and don’t care. I’m just tired of being in pain every hour of the day for days on end!!
See the psychosis is bad because the voices have been telling me if I cut the tendon, I will be better. It will solve my problems. Only thing is if I cut I might not be able to stop the bleeding so that is why I haven’t done it yet. I am that desperate for pain control I would take a razor to my skin and excise the bad stuff to alleviate it…
So no mattter how bad I want to slice and dice, I have no measures to control the bleeding and I really do not want to soak my bed or my rug with my blood. Only option I have left is to suffer…and blog about it 😦

6 thoughts on “Pain sucks no matter how you slice it

  1. Robert, if this is from Cauda Equina syndrome, then I know what you are going through. there are support groups for this condition and it does help. it makes you feel less alone with this. there are many people with your condition as you describe. if you want more information, go to for more information. I hope that it help you. You have done a great job living for the past 15 yrs. I hate to see it end. I know how bad you want to end it. I really do.


  2. I know what your going through but mine is from a hurt back spinal cord nerve damage and a lot of other things. I take my meds but they don’t help all the time and the only real way to stop the pain is to die. And yes I have thought about it many many times there is nothing that can be done for me and I’ve been in pain every second of everyday for 15years and I’m so tired of it and just want some peace. I wish it was all over some times


  3. No offense taken at all! There’s a lot of science behind EFT … that’s why I started this blog. Have you actually tried it for pain? There are a couple of video’s on my blog, of me working with an Olympic Athlete and a Body Builder … both of which thought it was ‘Bogus’ too. Anyway, just hate to see people in the same kind of pain that I used to be in which is why i messaged you. I wish you all the best xx


  4. OMG! I just cried reading this post. I work with people in pain every week and it saddens me when people can’t find a breathing space from pain. I have never worked with somebody that has your condition but I was wondering if you have tried EFT for your pain? If you would like any information, and help via email I would be happy to help you, and hopefully that information and practical help can help you to manage your pain even more effectively. Love Carey


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