tiring but exciting day

I am feeling really tired today. I woke up early and couldn’t really go back to sleep. I had a weird dream that I woke up at around four o’clock in the morning. I was having back surgery again for cauda equina syndrome and it was really weird because I could see myself lying on the OR table with my mother. Then after the surgery and I woke up, they had me walk to my room rather than wheel me. Once I got to my “room” which was like an amphitheater, I was asked a bunch of questions to determine what my diagnosis was by amateur actors. I don’t know what the hell that dream means but it was interesting to say the least.

I saw my PCP today for my monthly pain management. Every month it’s the same thing and every month he pokes and prods and I am in agony for the rest of the day. I am hurting so much like I was last night I could just cry. Last night was really bad. I had cutting urges really bad because I just couldn’t take the pain anymore. It got to be a nine before I was able to finally doze off to sleep. I think that was why I was dreaming about surgery.

I am tired, did I mention that? I feel like I am coming down with a cold or something so I got to increase my fluids over the next few days. I think a cup of chamomile tea will be on the docket for tonight. I cannot wait for tomorrow night. I am all excited about the World Series. I didn’t realize the Sox was playing in town. The city is going to be nuts tomorrow. I am staying in. All I want to do tomorrow is pick up my prescription and have Pad Thai.

I was talking with a former coworker today. He is so funny. I love him as he always makes me laugh. He wishes me well with my book. OMG I forgot to tell you guys that I emailed my Idol and he gave me his consent to write about his stuff. I got a beautiful email and I am just ecstatic!!! I felt really good about it. He remembered me from my Poster session when he was inn Boston. I didn’t really talk to him much when he was in Baltimore. Course I was crying the whole time he was giving his acceptance speech for the award he got for his work in suicidology. I really adore this guy. In case you don’t know who I am talking about, my Idol is David Jobes. I love his work with CAMS and if you do a search on my blog for Jobes, you will find the relevant blogs associated with that name. I write a lot about his work because I believe in it. He is the only one to have a systematic approach to assessing and treating suicidality with the Suicide Status Form. I could go on and on about him but I don’t want to bore you.

So his email made my day. I cannot wait to tell my therapist tomorrow. She is going to be so fricken crazy, more than I am. I literally was not going to check my email for the rest of the day but his email came in like almost an hour after I sent it off. I get to keep all that I wrote about his works and the Aeschi model. I had to read the email twice to make sure it said what I thought it said. He really hopes that my book does well.

I emailed my psychiatrist today to let her know I was doing well and was off the trilafon. I had to stop taking it as it was really making me fuzzy brain and interfering with my thought processes, which is its main function. Also told her about Jobes’s email. I had to let someone know!