I’m an idiot

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

I started writing a paper for today’s blog but I kept on getting distracted. I will have it for you probably tomorrow when I am more clearheaded.

I finally edited more than 100 pages for my book today. I am past page 100 so I only have about 60 more pages to go. Then I can go to the editor and see what she can do. I have to say that I am taking out more than I am putting in. This is going to be a short book. But I still have the intro and ending to do so maybe that will add some pages. I got some good news…the editor can take me earlier than I thought! I could have this baby done by March instead of later than that! I am excited. I just emailed her to see what her status was and if she is still interested in working with me. I just have to work out a payment plan or saving the money. I really want this to work and I am not the greatest at saving money. But I think I have worked out a plan. I just hope I don’t have to borrow money from my mother. That will suck because I don’t think she knows I am writing this book and I don’t want her to read it. She never really supports me like my sisters do. I don’t think she would approve. Granted I have kept talking about my family to a minimum.

My back is not doing well today. I was looking for the article for the paper I am writing and tweaked my back because of bending down and then my mother wanted help with her new “toy”: a hard floors cleaner. My back is so not happy with me right now. But I have meds to take care of it and some stretching to do later should it act up. It definitely didn’t like me kneading the muscles with my knuckles so I know it is angry. Plus the weather is not helping me. Fricken cold and rainy today. It was supposed to “warm up” but it never did. I think there is a possibility of snow if the temp continues to drop. FUN! I am not going out until Monday anyways. But I need some fricken half and half. I cannot believe I fricken placed an online order for Stop and Shop and forgot half and half for coffee. I am an idiot!

3 thoughts on “I’m an idiot”

  1. I see. I’m sorry to hear that you have had struggles like that. I had a nervous breakdown when I was almost 18, locking myself in a bathroom at work swallowing nearly 100 Tylenol. I still don’t know whether it was a true suicide attempt or a act of attention or both. I’ve had struggles with mental illness and chronic pain since around 13. To say it’s difficult doesn’t come close to describing things accurately whether applying that to me, you, or someone else struggling. I hope writing helps and gives you some kind of peace, maybe help even with your mental/physical issues. I enjoy reading your blog, it helps to know I’m not alone. I appreciate you being candid and your writing’s. Take care.

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