Christmas Day 2013

Christmas Day 2013

Today was not a great day. Sure I got material things and spent time with my family. That part was good. But I stood too long between making squash last night and today. I am trying my best not to panic because I can’t move my toes on my bad foot. It is very swollen and hurts really bad. I know that is the reason why I can’t move my toes rather than a disc problem. But telling my panic system that has been, so far, difficult to do.

I also did a lot of stair climbing between yesterday and today, more so today than yesterday. Taking the fall the other day didn’t help and I am now wondering if I somehow hurt the bottom of my foot. All I know is that my foot hurts from the bottom through the top of my foot. Surprisingly, my ankle hasn’t joined in the fun so I am guessing, I probably hurt my foot. My sister tried looking at it. She barely touched me and I was in agony. So something is going on, I just don’t know what. My sis advised me to see a foot doctor. I think I might have to in the New Year. I just hope the copay isn’t fricken $40 because he is out of network. I would see someone at my former place of employment that would be “in-network” but the doctors there are morons. I have yet to find a good doctor there other than for psychiatry and primary care. And this place is in the top ten for best hospitals in the US.

My friend in SA is doing ok despite being a quad. He hates it but knows that it is temporary. I can’t imagine what that must be like. Sure I can imagine it but to really know what it feels like, it is out of my league. But I can empathize with him. And be understanding.

I got Red Sox stuff for Christmas. I don’t know why that is as I am not a fan or anything (said with extreme sarcasm). No matter what, nothing is going to top this year’s World Series Championship. From last place to first is pretty special. And to win three times in a decade is awesome too. I am so proud of my sox.

I have been feeling blue most of the day. I guess the hyper stuff has gone away, least for now. I know I am down because I miss my family members that are no longer with me. I miss my uncles that have passed and seeing their wives, my aunts. My father only has three surviving family members. I just realized that one of my uncles passed away longer than I thought. I didn’t go to his wake or funeral. I just couldn’t bare it. I never really grieved for him. He was the uncle I wanted to marry when I was five. But I couldn’t because my aunt (his wife) would be very upset. I kind of hated my aunt, at the time, because of this. But I got over it. He still was a good uncle. Every Christmas he played Santa, least until he got very sick. He had kidney disease because of hypertension (high blood pressure). He died of kidney failure. Not a pleasant experience. When I was working in dialysis with my research studies, I always thought of him. My aunt (his wife) now has dementia pretty bad. She doesn’t always know when my father calls or knows who she is talking to. But then it runs in the family. My father is starting to lose it. But then my aunts are 89 and 92 and my father is 81. Pretty old! My favorite uncle died when he was 86. I miss him very much. He could have played Santa as he always had a big belly. We used to joke about it with him and he would laugh. Funny how you miss someone when they are really gone. You wish you had more time with them. I remember seeing him the day before he died. He had a stroke and was paralyzed on one side. He was in a coma and only survived for one day. He took another stroke the next day and that killed him. I remember it like it was yesterday, even though it has been seven years now. He died the year I had my second diagnosis of CES and I was only weeks post op.

I also have been thinking of my little cousin that is in the Marines. He obviously isn’t so little if he in the military but he is the youngest son of my 1st cousin. I hear that the Marines are really pushing a battle in afghan where is now stationed so I am worried. I sent him a Christmas card. I do hope that he is ok and makes it home safely.