Saturday Blog 2

Saturday Blog 2

It has been a roller coaster day. I am still patiently waiting for the editor to send me back my manuscript. I am excited and anxious at the same time.

I didn’t do much today. I had coffee this morning with my sister that ended up with me taking my niece to my cousin’s house. I had the car for a little while. I took the long way home. It was nice. I got to listen to my country music station.

I started working on my Darkness short story as I got inspiration for it yesterday before the whole appointment fiasco. I thought I could write more today as I have been feeling depressed but wasn’t able to write more than what I had written. I feel like I am repeating myself and maybe I am. Darkness is always the same, it never changes. It fills you with bad thoughts and you always have a dark cloud following you that prevents light from shining through. The bad thoughts come back and you feel hopeless.

I am not sure how I feel right now. I just want to go to sleep. The weird dreams that I have been having seem to have left me. I am not getting them as often so my sleep has improved, though I still wake up at three in the morning. I woke up at this hour this morning because I had to go to the bathroom. When I came back to my room, I was awake. I stayed up till about six. I wasn’t in pain, I just couldn’t sleep. I think that is the nice thing about my game is that you can play it anytime of day.

I am getting better at reading, though I still get restless. I am reading at least ten pages or so before I get the restless feeling. I got a book from the library about writing novels. I don’t think the book is for me because I don’t really want to write fiction. I can write short stories but I don’t want something bigger than that. And I think the collection of small writings is a good idea for my next book. Today I bought one of my favorite author’s new short story book on Amazon. I miss reading his short stories. They almost always end in a cliffhanger. I hope to write like that some day. So maybe this book that I got from the library might help with that.

My crazy cousin called me again to check in on me. I didn’t have the chance to yell at him for calling my phone then calling my mother’s phone last night. WTF. If I don’t want to talk to you, don’t call my mother! I am glad my mother didn’t pick up. I don’t know why he does this. He is just annoying. I know he has issues, but come on. Have some decency.

I think I will take a shower tonight. I haven’t had one since Thursday. I try to go every other day, but sometimes that doesn’t work out too well. I just get lazy or too depressed. I can’t believe that it will be a week till I see my therapist again. Meeting three times this week isn’t possible because I have my PCP appointment Monday and then have my father’s appointment Tuesday. It sucks. But I am determined to keep my Wednesday appointment with her. I am canceling my neuro appointment. Screw them. I will call and cancel Monday. I don’t need to see my neuro anyways. Nothing has changed. Granted I would have liked her input on whether I need a nerve conduction test but I think the answer is no. My foot doctor thinks it might be useful but I am not going to be stuck with needles to find out what I already know: I have nerve damage. And with my pain medication and Neurontin, I can manage my pain. I just got to email her, anyways, to get a refill on it.