Hang in there

Hang in There

I wish people would stop saying that to me. I find it a temptation they have no idea about. How I wish I could just hang in there with a rope around my neck. That is how I feel most days. No one really knows the suffering I have been feeling the past few weeks. I have been trying to blog about it but have been finding it difficult.

Last night was my niece’s birthday party celebration. I made an appearance and while my aunts congratulated me on my book, one of them got into my business, which I didn’t like. She wanted to know the financial business of my book sales. Like it’s her business to know. She drives me crazy. Instead of being happy for me, she is conniving. But then, she is a miserable woman who doesn’t get other people’s misery. If you have a sprained arm, she has a broken arm, kind of thing. I hate her. I really do and try to have as little contact with her as possible.

As you can probably tell, I am not in the best of moods today. I woke up on the wrong side of the bed and have been there ever since. I made the worst egg sandwich today. I broke the yoke while cooking it and then I burnt the toast. Not a good start to the day. It is cold so I have my Ohio State hoodie on. I am determined not to leave my bed unless I need food or the bathroom. I should probably have lunch soon. I am getting hungry. That is one thing I hate about my depressions, it is either feast or famine. Either I am hungry all the time or I am not.

I don’t feel really suicidal but I wouldn’t mind if a bus ran me over and killed me. I still don’t know if I have my appointments with my therapist on Tues and Wed. She never responded to the cancelation text that I sent her. And I hate it when she doesn’t because it just leaves me in a panic. Drives me crazy.

I have been tweeting a lot, trying to promote my book through several channels. I have not seen any results from it, yet, but, I have followed some psychologists that I hope see my tweets. I am using different hashtags to get the message out there. I never thought I would have to promote my own book. That is something that I just didn’t think of when I published it. I guess I just expected it to do its own selling but if people don’t know about it, how are they going to buy it? If you are a new follower on my blog and want a copy, here is the link or through Amazon.

I am going to go take a nap. My ankle is really giving me grief and if I don’t take something for it, I might just want the rope around my neck. Until tomorrow…