hopeless about writing

I met with my psychiatrist today. I told her everything that I have been feeling the past two weeks. She wants me to take off writing for a bit and see how I feel. I don’t know if I can go that long without writing a blog. But if you don’t see one from me every day, know that is why. That I am recharging my batteries so to speak.

I had a dreadful day. My ankle acted up on me and my urine culture test came back positive. I have a urine infection. YAY. I get to take antibiotics for the next seven days. I think it’s good too because I am starting to get the chills and that isn’t good. I would get the antibiotics now but I don’t feel like it. I have to take it twice a day anyways so if I start tomorrow, it’s not going to be that big a deal. I have my cranberry juice to keep me hydrated.

I tweeted about my book today, like I have been doing the past two weeks. I have become addicted to twitter again. It’s much more interesting than Facebook. I am following a bunch of therapists and doctors and it is really interesting to read their tweets. I miss being in the medical field.

I told my psychiatrist I don’t know why I should take my medication other than potentially getting worse. Some how this raised a red flag for her so I get to see her next week instead of two weeks. Great. I don’t feel like seeing these people and they want to see me. I am very hopeless. Why can’t they see that? I just don’t get it.

I also think that people haven’t been buying my book because it is too depressing. It’s hard to write hopeful stuff when you don’t feel it. I got as much from my psych today. It’s making me want to give up trying to sell more books. I added the link to my popular blog but have not gotten any clicks on the page. I guess people just want to read the chapter and not the book. Yesterday I got 25 hits, today 20, so far. I am sure I am over 2,000 hits total for this blog entry. I wrote a lot about stuff, personal stuff. Maybe I was too personal. I am having a hard time with this. Not that I wanted to be a millionaire with this book. I knew that wasn’t going to happen. But I just wanted to sell 100 copies and that isn’t going to happen I guess. It is kicking me really low. I just feel like a failure. But maybe when my second book comes out, I won’t feel that way. I am trying to work on it but it is so difficult with this depression that I have. I can’t do anything. Everything hurts. Even holding a pen is heavy to the task of writing. I use the same pen I always use and for some reason, lately it just feels so heavy. That is why my psych thinks I need a break from writing.

I don’t know what to do but to write a little every day. Not writing is going to be weird. Maybe I will take the weekend off and see how that goes. Guess this will be the first Saturday Blog that I will be missing.