I didn’t feel good at all today. I woke up with my leg and ankle hurting. I have been medicating myself so I don’t feel pain. I lost count how many days in a row I have been in pain.
Today is Father’s day and I really didn’t want to see him but my sister tempted me out of my room with a burger. So I ended up seeing him and wished him a Happy Father’s day. The game was still playing but I wasn’t too interested. I ate and then I pretty much went back up stairs to the safety of my room. I really need to rest my ankle and I just haven’t had a chance to all weekend. I need to take a shower but have no inclination to actually do so.
I woke up in the middle of the night again. And my allergies were really bad. My left eye was swollen and hurt really bad. I put drops in and took some antihistamines. It still feels sore so I will do the same thing again.
A dear friend called and said that she was very sick this past week. I felt bad. She lives in California. I just hope she still has her job as she has been out of work for a week now. Poor thing had a kidney infection. She is getting better but still feels pretty weak.
My mood has sucked today. I just don’t want to do anything. I haven’t read a book in days. I really haven’t left the house for anything except to get my prescriptions. I really just want to stay in my room and do nothing. This week I said that I would work on my book but I don’t think I can bring myself up to edit. I just don’t have the energy. And there is no one pushing me to do this. Getting this work done is going to be a challenge. And then I know that it isn’t going to sell the way that I want to so what is the point. I just feel so deflated. Maybe I should go into the hospital so they can give me some motivation to do something or a routine. I know that sounds dumb but I feel that if I don’t get some help, I might end up trying to take my life. And summer is a prime time to end your life, least according to the studies that I have read.
I don’t get why I should continue to live. I just am not worth it. My mother doesn’t need me. My sisters don’t need me. I know for a fact my father doesn’t need me. So why do I bother sticking around?
midnightdemons7 