sleep problems again

Sleep problems again

I lost track of how many hours I have been up, slept, snoozed, or dozed in the past 48 hours. I just know that today I have been up since 0730 after falling asleep somewhere around 0330. It was really hot in my room last night. But I now have the AC in my window so I hope that I can sleep in 50 degree temps again.

I was starting to sleep but decided to take a shower. Big mistake as it woke me up. Dammit. So I decided to blog until the meds kick in.

I had therapy today and will have it tomorrow, too. She did pull out the SSF, after 10 mins of not being able to find it. I am supposed to do something with the responses but I was so tired while I was on the phone with her that I could barely keep up with her. I know one of the things was how I view myself. But I really don’t have much to say about that other than I am a buffoon. I really don’t like myself. I really just hate myself and I don’t think that is going to change. Sure it has to do mostly with the TG stuff but even my face I can’t stand. I really think I am the most ugliest person on the planet. If there was an award for ugliest, I would win in a heartbeat.

The other thing that she wanted me to work on is finding reasons to live. I told her my nieces and nephew followed by a crazy person in Framingham (meaning her), but that still left two more slots on the sheet. Now I am supposed to come up with something by tomorrow night. HA. I will be lucky to remember my name by tomorrow night. I am so overtired it is not funny. I really should be sleeping rather than writing this blog.

I also told her today that I am a sucky writer. I re-read my Darkness story and it sucks. I have no clue if it makes sense and if it doesn’t make sense to me, how is it supposed to make sense to someone else?? Not like my first book was successful. But then I know that if I reach the right audience, it could be.

There was some other stuff that I was supposed to work on but I don’t remember as I was in such a deprived state. I will look over the sheet tomorrow and see if anything jogs my memory. I hate being this overtired. Least there isn’t a game on tonight. They played in the afternoon and won in the 10th inning. I hope things are finally starting to turn around for my boys.

any thoughts?

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