Loss

Loss

My friend that I am close to, lost his father. I don’t know if it happened yesterday or today as he is in South Africa. I feel bad for him because his father is in England and now he has to travel there.

This is the 4th loss of a parent of people I know this year. It saddens me because my parents are relatively in good health and are much older than my friends parents. This is because my parents had my sisters and I at an older age.

I got into a fight with my mother today over the cable. We put in a call because the digital converter box is not working. The guy said yesterday a tech would come out between 12-2. He never showed up. I waited till 5 pm. I told my mother I would call today and see what I could do. Well, I woke up early, like 0500 early and by 8 I was tired and wanted to sleep. She kept nagging me to call and I said why don’t you call. She gave the “excuse” that she was babysitting. A nine year old, not a nine month old that required attention. But I bet dimes to donuts its because of her hearing she didn’t want to call. She is fucking deaf and won’t do anything about it. Yesterday when she called, she had me go downstairs to complete the call because she didn’t understand what the guy was saying. She drives me nuts.

I am also thinking about my Godfather who died this month three years ago. And also my Aunt who also died this month last year. The date is close to my Godfather’s death. I didn’t see her before she passed because she was very ill and had shingles all over her face. I wanted to remember her the way that I do now, not like what she become. I did go to the wake and funeral. It was very painful as she was a close aunt. I grew up with her. But because of a language barrier (she only spoke Italian, dialect), it was often difficult to have a conversation with her other than yes and no. I am grateful she didn’t get Alzheimer’s, even though she was more than 90 years old.

My godfather died suddenly and peacefully. I think he had a pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lungs). His death was more traumatic to me than my aunt because she had been sick for a while and he was not. He wasn’t in the best of health as he was 82. He had Alzheimer’s so every time I talked with him, I had to explain who I was. I don’t think he really remembered but he just had a conversation with me just the same. It became harder as the years progressed so I stopped calling except on his birthday and holidays.

Think I am going to take that nap that I should have taken this morning now. I am so drained and I just had a cup of coffee. I hate when the coffee has the opposite affect on me. I really wanted to do some writing today but don’t look like it’s going to happen. Maybe after my nap.

any thoughts?

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