Another Snowy day
I am so sick of the snow. It snowed again today, though it didn’t appear to stick. But it threw off my plans of leaving the house. I might try tomorrow. I really want to get out of the house, to do something that makes me happy, like go to Starbucks. Being stuck in the house is no fun. I just got notification that the bus schedule for tomorrow is limited so I might be stuck another day inside. Just fucking great. I rely on public transportation to get me where I need to go and it really sucks right now. According to the GM, it will take approximately 30 days to get it up and running “normally” again. And our new governor is being a fink. Just blames the GM instead of asking what he can do to help the situation. That’s politics for you.
I had planned on just working on my game today but I woke up late, had lunch for breakfast, and then went back to sleep. I planted short crops (those that take only a few hours) but never harvested them. I guess I will just deal with it tomorrow. When I planted my black eyed peas, I didn’t yield enough of an item so need to request that again.
I really don’t know if I am depressed or what, any more. I have a low mood but then I always have a low mood. I am not really thinking about ending my life but I wouldn’t mind being dead. I have been very sleepy, irritable at times, and have no appetite for anything. Granted there is nothing to really eat in the house. I can’t go shopping until next week. I am going to have to make some sacrifices in order to put the order through. I need food and water. I don’t like our tap water, never did. It just doesn’t taste right. I have been sneaking my sister’s bottled water to my room. I actually need to get another two bottle tomorrow as mine are almost empty and I need to take my meds in the morning.
I got some paper with my book order. I plan on using it to wrap the books rather than buy mailers. Think is the brown paper is all wrinkled and such that I have to unravel it. It must be about 4 feet of paper that I need to deal with. I figure using it would be better than recycling it. And it gives me a mundane thing to do. Now if only I had that motivation to actually do it, I will be set.
I just took my meds and am already ready to go back to sleep. I can’t stand living like this. I would try and end my life but I am so afraid of failing or someone finding me in time that I just don’t even try. Yet I think of my friend who killed himself and I think, why can’t I do that? I have no therapy for the week. My therapist is on vacation. Still no word on my psychiatrist coming back. I hate feeling this way when she isn’t around. I would email her but it just seems to be a one way conversation. Frustrating as it is, I rather not write a long email and then have it “ignored”. So I wing it, on my own, again. And it gets really old.
midnightdemons7 